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By the end of this article you will understand the meaning of success, why confidence is so important for success, and have some useful and easy tips to build your confidence up day by day.

What Is Success? What Does It Mean To Be Successful?

The dictionary definition of success is:  

• the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
• the attainment of popularity or profit.
• a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity.

In other words, success can mean a whole lot of things, and it can mean different things to different people.

I have some friends who value career promotion, a big salary and a fancy car as success.

Personally I associate success with achieving a goal, no matter how big or small, and being healthy and happy.  

As far as I am concerned, if I’m not healthy or happy, then what’s the point of life?

And I’m not the only person that thinks that. Gretchen Rubin went on a year long experiment to discover how to create true happiness.  

Among other things, she found that novelty and challenge are powerful sources of happiness; that money can help buy happiness, when spent wisely; that outer order contributes to inner calm; and that the very smallest of changes can make the biggest difference.

You can learn more about Gretchen Rubin and her happiness project here.

Also read

• 13 Things I’ve learned About Self-Belief Being The Key To Success
• 15 Easy Shortcuts you can do RIGHT NOW to Boost Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
• Affirmations for Confidence and Success
• How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem & Become More POSITIVE
• 7 Practical Tips for Building Confidence and Self-Esteem

Sure, don’t get me wrong, I like money and I’d like to have more of it, but I wouldn’t do anything for it, not like some people would. For me, money is just a means to an end, not the end in itself.

John Wooden, Basketball Coach at UCLA who led the team to 10 NCAA national champions, defines success as “Peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you are capable.”

I like that. Peace of mind…doing the best you are capable of…self-satisfaction.

He doesn’t mention winning, or beating someone at their own game, or comparing yourself to others, or owning lots of material things.  

Perhaps, given that definition, and my own feelings on success, I would say that success is when you do something you are proud of.  

Here is a nice uplifting video on the meaning and definition of success.  It makes me smile every time I watch it.

https://youtu.be/ulShj4keKNw

How Does Confidence Lead To Success?

Henry Ford famously said: 

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right. – Henry Ford

What Is Confidence And Why Is It So Important If You Want To Be Successful?

If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price. – Author Unknown

Mark Leary, a noted researcher on the subjects of self-confidence and self-esteem and professor of psychology at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina says this about self-esteem and confidence:

“We know that high self-esteem and a strong sense of confidence are related to good mental health, higher educational achievement, literacy, lower dropout rates, better physical health, better economic standing — just about all the good things you could think of.”

Confidence And Self-belief Gives You The Courage To Take The First Step Towards Success

Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful. – Mark Victor Hansen

The reason self-confidence is so important to success is that it helps you take that first step on your journey towards whatever you want to achieve, and there are tons of studies that have proven this.

For example, if you want to become a gold medalist at the next Olympic games, you first need to accept that there is a possibility that, given the right kind of training, practicing hard enough and often enough, eating right, you might be able to make it onto the Olympic team.

Without that crumb of self-belief you will not show up for practice, you will not say no to going out drinking with your friends, you will not make the effort.

You first need a little bit of self-belief to get started.

Let’s call the self-belief CONFIDENCE.

You need confidence in yourself, which is just another way of saying you need self-belief.

You need to think that given enough things going right, there is a chance you could at the very least do well enough not to feel like a failure.

Want to run a marathon but can’t even run for the bus? 

Well you need to believe in yourself enough to think that yes maybe, if you get up early in the morning before work and go for a run regularly, just maybe you could finish a marathon. Even if you are the slowest runner there, even if you come last.  You need to have that little bit of confidence in your own abilities.

Confident People Approach Difficult Situations With A Mindset Of “I’ll Be Able To Handle This”, A Quality All Successful People Possess

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Confident people trust that they can handle difficult or stressful situations, so are more willing to take on tasks or situations that appear too difficult or frightening.

This means they are more likely to set high goals, take on tasks others think are too difficult, speak to more senior people at work, have big ambitions, or simply try new things even if they have no idea whether they can accomplish them.

When you doubt yourself, or your abilities, you are more likely to shy away from such frightening or stressful situations or people.  You try less things, go on less adventures, have lower goals or ambitions, and avoid people you perceive to be more senior or important than you.

Confident People Bounce Back From Failure, And See Failure As An Opportunity To Learn. Without Being Able To Learn From Your Failures You Cannot Be Successful

Success is often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable. – Coco Chanel

Confident people are more likely to see failure being due to not making enough of an effort, not having the correct information, knowledge or skill.

Since these are all things they can learn, acquire, or attain, failure is simply viewed as an opportunity to learn.

People who doubt themselves, think that the failure is due to a skill or personality quality that they do not possess nor can they learn it, so they lose faith in themselves

For example, when you believe that you are not good at mathematics, you are less likely to achieve financial freedom, as you will most likely fail at the basics of budgeting, of ensuring you don’t spend more than you earn.  

If you can’t budget then you’ll struggle to save enough money to buy a house, or for retirement. 

You’ll have to say no everytime your friends invite you on holiday, or out for dinner.  

What’s more, you won’t do anything about it because let’s face it, “you are not good at maths so why even try”.

Confident people believe that just because they don’t understand how to budget right now, it’s still something they can learn if they put some effort into it.

Confident People Do Not Fear Rejection. You’ll Face A Lot Of Rejection On Your Way To The Top, Learning To Not Fear Rejection Is Therefore Crucial to Success.

You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Confident people believe that they are likeable enough to make friends.  This means you are more likely to speak to strangers you have never met, as you worry less about rejection.

Or they believe that their product is good enough to sell, so they don’t worry if one or two or ten people reject their offer.

They also believe that they are acceptable to other people as human beings, and therefore likely to be loved, indeed deserve to be loved.

People who lack that confidence or self-esteem, fear being rejected too much, as they feel it’s not just rejection of a question they’ve asked, but a rejection of them as a human being and all they stand for.

So they would rather not ask in the first place, and spare themselves the inevitable pain.

If you want to learn more about rejection and how to overcome the fear of rejection, I can’t recommend this book by Jia Jiang enough. 

While I don’t fear rejection in the tradition way that he does, the book did make me think a lot about my own fears in other areas of my life, and how I could overcome them.  

Really powerful stuff. 

You can find the book here.

The Importance Of Self-Confidence In Life And Business

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. – Thomas Edison

Regardless of your definition of success, self-confidence, self-belief, self-esteem, all of those are important if you want to be successful at anything, whether that’s in your personal life, or in business.

Success means to put yourself out there, to take risks, to accept that some people will criticise you, others will reject your ideas, you have to deal with failure, you have to keep going no matter how tough it gets.

Without believing in yourself, having that little bit of confidence that you CAN do something, you will fail, or you will give up too quickly.

So self-confidence, even just a little bit, is crucial for you to take that first step towards your goal.

How Can I Be Confident And Successful?

Self-confidence is the memory of success. – David Storey

Confidence and success feed each other.

The more you success you achieve the more your confidence in your own ability will grow.

And the more confidence you have, the more you are likely to try new scary things, or set even higher goals.

Each strengthens the other.

How do you Build Confidence?  

Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment. – Thomas Carlyle

Below you will find some easy tips and tricks to gain or increase your confidence, rebuild your confidence after a low spell, or just to up your game in the success stakes.

Let’s face it, no matter how confident we are, there are always those areas in your life that need a bit more attention, because no-one is perfect, we all make mistakes.

The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. – William Jennings Bryan

1. Forgive yourself.
   Forgive yourself for all your perceived faults, mistakes, failures and flaws. You are human, and like me, you will make mistakes. It’s a natural part of life, don’t try to avoid it, and don’t berate yourself for it. Accept yourself as you are, then forgive yourself.
2. Be kind to yourself.
   Don’t say things to yourself you wouldn’t say to a small child. 
3. Don’t bully yourself or be mean to yourself.
   We all hate bullies, we tell others to stand up to bullies, but we forget to also apply that same advice to ourselves.
4. Set more realistic goals.
   Don’t try to be perfect, otherwise you will just always set yourself up for failure. Having an unachievable goal will only make you feel like you are constantly failing, no matter how well you do.
5. Make a list of all your SUCCESSES and ACHIEVEMENTS.
   You can add anything, a great meal you cooked last night, organising a lovely day out with friends that you all enjoyed, helping a cat out of a tree, add anything and everything. Make the list as long as possible. Go back to it and add more things every week.
6. Write down one thing you are afraid of, then write a positive affirmation to fight it with.
   For example, I often worry I am fat, I know that I am not, but I still fear it.  So my positive affirmation to fight that fear is “I am beautiful. My body is amazing, strong, healthy and perfect. I love my body. It is the best body I could have asked for.”
7. Create a list of affirmations that help you fight your inner doubts and demons.
8. Set aside a time of day to repeat your affirmations to yourself.
   I use the HABIT app to remind me to take a few moments for deliberate positive thinking. In fact, I do this every morning on my way into work. I close my eyes, relax my body, and repeat my affirmations to myself silently. You can also do this before going to bed, going to bed with positive thoughts in your head is always a good thing.
9. Make an effort with your appearance.
   Cleanliness is next to godliness. In other words, wash your hair, wear clean clothes, brush your teeth, smell nice, look nice.  When I’m worried my breath smells, I automatically try and stand as far away from people as possible, and I keep my mouth shut. This makes me look stand-offish and unapproachable. 
10. Dress for success.
    Dress well and you will feel like you fit in.  When I wear jeans to an occasion only to see everyone else wearing formal clothes, I instantly feel self-conscious.
11. Keep a list of your achievements, no matter how small.
    This will remind you of all the things going well for you. Even when I climb just one floor of stairs, I note that down as an achievement, let’s face it, even if it’s just one floor, I’m still doing better than everyone else taking the lift.
12. Give yourself one compliment a day.
    It trains your mind to not think negatively all the time.  When I get dressed in the morning, while looking in the mirror, I quietly compliment myself for being well dressed and looking professional and successful.
13. Exercise.
    Physical exercise, no matter how small, releases stress and pumps endorphins (the happy hormone) around your body and brain and makes you feel better.  When I don’t exercise regularly, my body just becomes more and more tense, until I can’t fall asleep at night. This leads to me lying in bed thinking all kinds of negative thoughts, imagining the worst possible outcomes.
14. Accept compliments graciously.
    Don’t put yourself down, and don’t write it off as luck. You worked for it, so own it.
15. Don’t be a victim.
    Happiness is a choice.  Happy, confident people weren’t born like that, they became like that by making certain choices. I used to be a very moody grumpy person, but after years of deliberately thinking positive thoughts, the way I see life, and my place in it, has changed dramatically. You can do the same if you take charge of your mind and how you see the world.
16. Smile more.
    Studies prove that when you smile, your body releases endorphins. Also, smiling people are considered better looking. I definitely prefer to be around smiling people, I mean who wants to be around grumpy, miserable people? 
17. Keep a gratitude journal.
    Write down one thing that you are grateful for every day. Do this for a week. It makes me realise just how much I really have, and has the side-effect of making me more positive. And no-one can be confident without first being positive.
18. Eat healthy.
    Ever noticed how sluggish (and fat) you feel after eating a ton of junk food? I am incapable of feeling good about myself when I feel like that. 
19. Say no.
    Remind yourself it’s ok to say NO when you don’t want to do something. You are not a doormat, you are a human being with complex thoughts and feelings. When I say yes to things I don’t want to do, I end up feeling an inner turmoil that stays with me for days, and I just end up resenting the person I said yes to in the first place. They don’t deserve my resentment, and I don’t deserve to feel that way.
20. Stand up straight.
    Your grandmother was right about having a good posture.  There’s lots of evidence to support the fact that posture affects confidence.
21. Own your accomplishments.
    People who achieve things feel confident in their own abilities. When I complete a difficult task, or when I go ahead and do something I was afraid of, I feel proud of myself and that gives me confidence to try even more things.
22. Be brave.
    Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and jump into the deep end and start swimming.  This means asking for that raise, asking out that person you’ve fancied for years, or simply walking out of a toxic relationship.
23. Educate yourself.
    Not knowing enough about a topic will make you feel unsure of yourself. Read up on the topic so you have at least an idea of what it is about.  Nothing makes me feel more stupid than having no idea what a group of people are talking about, from lingo to acronyms. But when I read up even just a little bit, I can at least follow a conversation.
24. Take the 100 days of rejection challenge by Jia Jiang.
25. Visualise yourself as you wish to be.
    Visualise an image of yourself that you are proud of, an image that is confident and calm and successful. It’s a technique used by many famous athletes like Michael Phelps.
26. Remove negativity and negative people from your life.
    If they don’t believe in you, then you don’t need them.  Find those who do believe in you, or find a group or environment that is already practising or focused on success, and become a part of that group. Overcoming a negative environment is extremely difficult, and it drains you of energy, energy that can be better spent on building your future.
27. Develop an attitude of gratitude.
28. Take care of yourself.  Physically and mentally.
    Practising self-care and self-love remind yourself that you do deserve to be loved, and you are worthy.  Treat yourself like rubbish, and you’ll start to believe that too.
29. Take action. 
    Nothing builds confidence like achievement. The more action you take, the more you will achieve, the more your confidence will grow.
30. Learn from your mistakes.
    No-one is perfect.  Don’t try to be. Everyone makes mistakes, what matters is that you learn from yours to grow and become better.
31. If all else fails, learn how to create an alter ego that can do those things you are too scared to try.

My Story

I have often looked around myself and marvelled at successful people, wondering what it is they have that I don’t.  What drives them to be successful? How did they become so good at something, often appearing to be perfect in my eyes?

Don’t get me wrong, I am successful enough, all things considered. For someone who didn’t go to university I’ve done OK. I have managed to get myself promoted at work, so now I hold a corporate title (not a high one mind you but still, I did that), I earn enough money to apparently put me in the top 5% of earners in the United Kingdom, something I didn’t know until the UK election campaign started to heat up this week, and I saved enough money for a deposit to buy a small house in the overheated London housing market.

I did that through working hard and building trust over years and years, saving money, denying myself certain pleasures, going to work at 6am year in and year out, come rain or sunshine, or train strikes.

Even so, there was a time where I did not feel very successful. 

Not only did I not feel successful, but I didn’t think I will ever be successful.

Take the small matter of being promoted at work.  

For years, I had ambition, but I always felt that to be promoted, to “win”, meant that someone had to lose.  Given that I work in the financial industry, known for cut-throat business practices and a dog eat dog world, I always just thought my promotion, my “win”, had to come at the expense of someone else.  I didn’t like that idea very much, I don’t want my success to come at the expense of “stepping over someone” so to speak, to get to the top. 

I also didn’t think that I had what it took for a promotion.  I didn’t have the confidence of the men around me, and for a long time, that’s where I stayed, just a normal, lowly company employee.

Luckily for me, someone got promoted over me.

Yes I know, that sounds contradictory but bear with me.

When a colleague was promoted over me, knowing EXACTLY what work he did and how much of it he did, I had an absolutely epiphany.

It occured to me that day, that if he could get promoted for the work he did, then WHY NOT ME?!

I was certainly the harder worker between us, in fact, I probably did about twice as much work on an average day as him, so why should he be promoted over me?

It was an eye-opening moment to say the least.

But it taught me one thing, it taught me that I too could get promoted, I already had all the same qualities as him, and you do NOT have to do it at the expense of someone else.

I recently wrote an article about what I learned about success from watching Australian Masterchef, and on point 11 I wrote the following conclusion:

Success Comes From Being Your Best, NOT From Stepping On Someone

1. Success does NOT come from one-upmanship, or “beating” the other guy.
2. Success does NOT come from strategy, or outwitting the other contestants.
3. Success ultimately comes from your own ability to keep going, learning and doing the best you can, until you are SO GOOD THAT NO-ONE IS BETTER THAN YOU.
4. Charlie Sheen and Donald Trump like to think that WINNING has to come at the cost of someone else, but that’s wrong. WINNING is when you perform at your absolute best under difficult circumstances.
5. You do NOT have to step over someone on your way to the top.
6. For you to succeed or to WIN, does not mean someone else has to lose.
7. You CAN be successful and rich and still be a decent and kind human being.

I think Simone Biles, Gymnast and Olympic Gold Medalist, said it best: 

A successful competition for me is always going out there and putting 100 percent into whatever I’m doing. It’s not always winning. People, I think, mistake that it’s just winning. Sometimes it could be, but for me, it’s hitting the best sets I can, gaining confidence, and having a good time and having fun. –  Simone Biles

That was a very important lesson for me to learn, that to win, to get promoted, to ASK for a promotion, has nothing to do with beating someone, and everything to do with me being the best that I can be.

I deserved that promotion not because I asked for it, not because I did everything required for a year, but because I did my best for years and years before that. For years I worked hard and I showed up, I took ownership and responsibility and build trust and respect. 

That is the meaning of winning, and that is what success means to me. 

To decide to go out there and do something, then giving it my full focus and energy, showing up no matter how tired I am, how cold it is outside, how hard the job is, or how much of a struggle it is. 

I kept going, learning from my mistakes, persevered and after that, success was inevitable.

That was the first lesson, success comes from perseverance.

The second lesson has to be that success comes from confidence, or self-belief.

Without realizing that I too could be promoted, without that belief in myself and my own abilities, I would never even have bothered asking for it.

Summary – The Keys to Success

The keys to success are simple:

1. Start. Take the first step.  The sooner you get started, the sooner you’ll become perfect.
2. You can only become perfect through practice and experience.
3. Learn from your mistakes.
4. Don’t fear rejection.  People are not rejecting you, your idea is just not right for them at that moment in time.
5. Keep going, don’t stop.  
6. Educate yourself on your topic, subject or area of business.
7. Don’t give up.  There will always be tough times, don’t let that stop you.
8. Surround yourself with the right people in the right environment.
9. Ignore people who criticise you.  They can’t help themselves. The problem lies with them, not you or your ideas.
10. Never stop believing in yourself.  If you are not willing to be your own cheerleader, then why should others?

As always, all of my love.  I believe in you.
Lynette
After learning how and changing my own mindset, it is my mission in life to help others become their best self, positive, confident, happy and successful! 💕