Disclosure – This page contains Affiliate Links. That means I get a small commission when you make a purchase but there is no additional cost to you. Please read my disclaimer page for more information.

You are not your thoughts.

Let’s face it, we all are guilty of occasionally wallowing in negativity and self-pity. I would do this late at night in bed, until I cried. Negative after negative thought, fear and doubt would crowd my brain, and assault my emotions, and I really mean “assault”.  But there is a way to stop those ugly negative thoughts, and grow a more resilient, positive mindset.

Like most women I’ve been brainwashed into believing I have to work twice as hard as the boys to prove myself, not to mention that society is constantly reminding us we only have worth if we are pretty, thin and young. 

Let’s not forget as a woman you have to be kind, smile a lot, be likeable, be nice, take care of others, put others needs first, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Let’s be honest, being a woman is hard work and full of double standards.

I look at my sisters with their children, and being a mother brings with it a whole NEW level of guilt. Are you spending enough time with your child, are they eating healthy, are they getting enough sleep, learning new words, manners, do they play well with others, and more things I can even think of.

No wonder we’re constantly judging ourselves, criticizing ourselves, verbally berating ourselves, and more often than not, bullying ourselves.

But it doesn’t HAVE to be like that. You can change your mindset. You CAN become more positive.

The good news is you are not alone. I am here to help you and I’ve made a list of 15 simple and effective ways to help you stop your negative thoughts.

Don’t believe everything you think.

So here are some tips and tricks to get started. They worked wonders for me.  By following these guidelines, I have gone from being a pessimist and perfectionist, to having a strong and healthy mind where I have the self-belief and confidence to try new things (like this blog), to just go for it. And my positive mindset means that when I do have negative thoughts (because I am just human, I can’t switch them off completely), I can redirect my thoughts without allowing them to infiltrate my emotions and ruin my good mood for the day.

1. Practise Gratitude.
   Still the fastest and easiest way to become more positive. I’ll never get tired of writing about it.  In fact, I have a whole 30 Day Gratitude Course you can join.
2. Practise slow intentional breathing
   When you start to feel overwhelmed, slow deliberate breathing will give you something to focus on long enough to break the cycle of negative thoughts in your mind, it will calm your body, flood oxygen to your organs and brain, and help you relax your muscles. Good for the mind and body. I like the 4-7-8 method.
3. Forgive yourself.
   Forgive yourself for all your perceived faults, mistakes, failures and flaws. You are human, and like me, you will make mistakes. It’s a natural part of life, don’t try to avoid it, and don’t berate yourself for it. Accept yourself as you are, then forgive yourself.
4. Be kind to yourself.
   Don’t say things to yourself you wouldn’t say to a small child. 
5. Don’t bully yourself or be mean to yourself.
   We all hate bullies, we tell others to stand up to bullies, but we forget to also apply that same advice to ourselves.
6. Set more realistic goals.
   Don’t try to be perfect, otherwise you will just always set yourself up for failure. Having an unachievable goal will only make you feel like you are constantly failing, no matter how well you do.
7. Make a list of all your SUCCESSES and ACHIEVEMENTS.
   You can add anything, a great meal you cooked last night, organising a lovely day out with friends that you all enjoyed, helping a cat out of a tree, add anything and everything. Make the list as long as possible. Go back to it and add more things every week.
8. Write down one thing you are afraid of, then write a positive affirmation to fight it with.
   For example, I often worry I am fat, I know that I am not, but I still fear it.  So my positive affirmation to fight that fear is “I am beautiful. My body is amazing, strong, healthy and perfect. I love my body. It is the best body I could have asked for.”
9. Set aside a time of day to repeat your affirmation to yourself.
   I use the HABIT app to remind me to take a few moments for deliberate positive thinking. In fact, I do this every morning on my way into work. I close my eyes, relax my body, and repeat my affirmations to myself silently. You can also do this before going to bed, going to bed with positive thoughts in your head is always a good thing.
10. Stop comparing yourself to others.
    We are all different. Be yourself, not someone else. When you compare yourself to others, it’s easy to assume someone else is happier or more successful simply because they have a big house or a fancy car. You don’t know what is going on in their lives, what they are hiding, or how unhappy they might be.
11. Remind yourself that a thought is just a thought, it doesn’t have to define you or the rest of your day.
12. Exercise
    Exercise is good for the mind and body. Take a walk, go for a run, do yoga. Anything.
13. Switch off the gadgets.
    Too much Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or just the news can depress us. Time to stop feeding our own negativity by removing things that contribute to it.
14. Eat healthy and get more sleep.
    When I’m hungry, tired, or hungover, I am ALWAYS more negative. Sleeping, a good meal and exercise seem to be the only way to reset after that.
15. Tomorrow is another day.
    Another day to give it another go. A new day for new beginnings. Another chance to build a better life.