Fear of Social Media
Like most people who have had negative experiences on social media, I am afraid of it. In fact, it causes me so much anxiety having to interact on social media that I decided to make a list of all the things I’m afraid of.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this recently, and how the “internet” makes me feel and the anxiety it causes me, how I never leave comments or interact with others outside the usual “LIKE” button.
Being blocked on Instagram
See, I recently made a comment to a blogger I like and follow on Instagram. She had done an Instagram story where she named and shamed some random stranger that I think was following her on Instagram by accusing him of “lurking”. I don’t know what it is supposed to mean to “lurk” on someone’s Instagram account, and so I made a comment to the effect that by just accusing a random stranger without giving more detail, it make her look like the jerk far more than the person she is accusing.
Her reply was a swift “Then unfollow me.”
Then she blocked me.
I assume she blocked me as suddenly her profile on Instagram appears empty, like she’s never posted anything.
Anyway the whole incident left me with some confusing and complicated emotions.
My experience with social media has never been particularly positive. It’s like a whole new level of social interaction that I don’t understand and it stresses me out. I very rarely interact with others on social media and to be honest, I don’t know why I felt the need to comment in this instance. Perhaps too much wine!
But her response and my emotional reaction to it has made me think. We all know that social media can be tricky to navigate and that more often than not it can be awful. People troll others, say the most offensive and insulting things, and often can be on the receiving end of the internet going mad over what to most appears to be a storm in a teacup (like that poor girl in the USA that wore a Chinese style dress to her prom and were then accused of cultural appropriation).
Things I’m afraid of when it comes to Social Media:
- Someone saying something mean
- Being on the receiving end of someone’s anger
- Being on the receiving end of someone’s self-righteous judgement (the internet is full of people that are offended in some way)
- Simply being judged for no good reason
- Being ridiculed
- Being made fun of
- Being trolled
- Having a meme made of me doing something silly or stupid
- Appearing stupid
- Rejection
- Being called names
- Being wrong (yes, I am afraid of that)
- Whole groups of people all “flaming” me (is that still a term people use?)
- Being on the wrong side of a debate or argument
- Being alone
And truthfully a whole bunch more random fears, too many to list here.
When I think about it I suppose that list is not so much different from real life fears, they’re certainly not exclusive to online social interaction.
I find it strange that I cared enough to write this post, given that in real life I don’t usually care what people think. I think it’s the social media aspect of it, and my past negative experiences that triggered such an intense emotional response in me; it really crushed my confidence there for a day or two.
Hopefully I can now move on and let go of what random strangers think of me on the internet.
So after some deep thought, and a bit of discussion down in the pub, here is my quick list for dealing with Social Media Anxiety. Feel free to print this out or pin it so you can have it quick to hand next time you feel overwhelmed by a negative experience. I truly hope it helps.
How I deal with Social Media Anxiety:
- Just because it’s a blogger I like and admire doesn’t make them a good or nice person worthy of my respect.
- Just because someone blocks me doesn’t make them a bad or rude person either.
- I quite admire her for not putting up with the opinion of yet another random internet stranger and blocking me, standing up for herself. It’s her Instagram account after all and she can do what she wants with it.
- I feel getting into a “war of words” is pointless and should refrain from replying to her reply.
- In hindsight, reading my comment again, it comes across as quite aggressive and critical, certainly negative.
- Why should she care about my opinion on anything?
- Similarly, why do I care about her opinion on anything? We don’t even know each other!
- Don’t criticize strangers on the internet, for the same reason you wouldn’t criticize a random stranger in the supermarket.
- In fact, your opinion on social media to another person is probably as welcome as your boyfriend’s mother commenting on your weight gain.
- If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
- Just because we’re both woman, doesn’t mean we HAVE to support each other in every single thing or thought.
- It’s ok to have a difference of opinion with someone.
- Don’t care what strangers think. (Yes I know it’s not as easy as that, but at least I can try.)
Anyway, the whole experience has made me rethink my own issues with social anxiety, anxiety in general, and how social media contributes to it.
How does social media cause anxiety?
Social media can cause an immense amount of anxiety, from FOMO to trolling, social media is a minefield to navigate.
- FOMO – Fear of Missing Out
Think we all know what this means by now. When you’re friends are all posting photos of how much fun they are having on holiday, while you are stuck at work, you feel like you are missing out. This can unrealistically lead to you going out of your way to post photos that you hope will make others jealous. - Abusive behaviour
It seems that when we are behind a screen, we often might say things to random strangers on the internet we would never say to someone’s face. I simply refuse to accept that the people threatening to burn your house and kill your children, or that you should be raped for saying something they disagree with, would say that in real life, out loud, to your face. The internet seems to create this illusion that you are not talking to a real person. There is a complete disconnect to what you are willing to say to someone versus what you are willing to type on a phone in 280 characters. - Rudeness
In real life, we form bonds with people, we build relationship and we learn that friend A is sensitive about topic x, so we avoid that topic when with that friend. But on the internet, you don’t know what the other person’s trigger points are, and let’s face, the internet is a hotbed for extremism and mental illness. So something you say, that you think is fairly innocent, might upset thousands of people on the other side of the world because they will find it rude or insensitive. - Global reach
Unless you’ve have gone through the extremely painful process of making all your accounts super private (trying doing that in Facebook successfully, I dare you), what we say on the internet can be read by any idiot anywhere in the world. More chance of you upsetting someone and waking up to a storm aimed at you. - The internet is always ON
The internet never sleeps. It never quiets down, there’s always someone out there surfing, blogging, tweeting, reading, opining, sharing, stalking, or simply having a bad day and therefore more likely to find something offensive that you said 5 years ago while so drunk you can’t even believe you managed to unlock your phone to do it. - Lack of relationships
My sense of humour is quite … shall I say, unique! It means that those who know me get me, but where I to make one of my little dry jokes to a random stranger, they would just look at me funny. We often forget that our comments will be read by someone who don’t know us, who won’t get us, who won’t understand that we are being ironic, not literal. As humans, our society is built on how we communicate with each other in a meaningful way but the internet lacks the subtlety for such meaningful communication. Let’s face it, even your sister still gets upset with you when you accidentally say the wrong thing, so how is a stranger on the internet supposed to understand you DID NOT mean it the way it came out.
How to build self-confidence and self-esteem
Does social media help social anxiety?
This is an interesting question. Does social media HELP social anxiety? My answer is a clear no!
Wikipedia defines Social Anxiety as “nervousness in social situations”.
I myself struggle with social anxiety. I always feel like I don’t belong in the group, I fret about what to talk about, whether I have said the wrong thing, whether I might say the wrong thing tomorrow, whether I should or should not say something. If you’ve read my journey article you might remember I talk about feeling like I’m on the outside looking in, and that very much describes most of my social situations.
I don’t enjoy social situations the way others do and it has been a big problem for me. It’s just an unnecessary stressful situation for me. Over the years I’ve coped by simply not going out, or limiting my social experiences to only small groups that I am comfortable with and who’s company I truly enjoy, and who knows me well enough now to not get offended when I simply disappear home without saying goodbye.
For me, social media has definitely not helped. It has made it even worse. Now there’s this new social arena that I struggle to understand even more. I don’t seem to understand the rules, I always get it wrong. My post at the beginning very clearly explains my problems.
Even so, I don’t believe I have a disorder, I have mild to high anxiety, but it definitely does not prevent me from leaving the house. Or talk to people. If you feel that way, then you should definitely seek help, Anxiety Lass has a good blog on anxiety, and how to get help. She even has a Facebook group that you can join if you need to reach out to other people that will understand you better.
Having said that, human beings are complex and diverse, so I can totally imagine that there are people out there that benefit from social media in a very positive way. If you are one of those people, then by all means, leave a comment with your thoughts so people like me can understand your side of things better.
What are the positive and negative effects of social media?
The peer to peer support provided by social media platforms is probably one of the biggest benefits I can think of. Being able to share your own experiences, perhaps with mental illness, eating disorders or abusive relationships, and the encouraging messages you receive from those who understand or share your struggle might be the first time in your life you’ve ever felt supported. In the last few years, we’ve seen models like Avital Cohen, influencer Ali Bonar and super model Amelia open up about their eating disorders on social media, and for the most part, have found a positive and supportive community who is willing to listen and help.
Social media can also be used very effectively to raise awareness of issues that minorities struggle with. From raising awareness for LGBT or other groups, safe cycling in cities, breast cancer, and anything else you can think of, social media allows us to get our message out to a wider audience, not for them to do anything per se, but just so they know that others are struggling.
In Hong Kong, encrypted messaging apps such as Whatsapp, Telegram and Signal have played an important role in enabling organisers to coordinate the protests.
It allows protesters to share their experience of heavy handed police tactics, giving anyone in the world a close up view of what it’s like to protest in a country where democracy is not allowed.
However, it also has made it easier for restrictive government to track their citizens or simply for a group or agency with a political agenda to bombard us with propaganda created with the purpose of swaying our minds and opinions towards a certain agenda.
What are the dangers of social media?
Perhaps the one of the biggest dangers of social media is teenage suicide.
Suicide rates among teenagers have almost doubled in eight years, figures have shown.
Provisional data compiled in 2018 by the Office for National Statistics shows the suicide rate in children and young people aged 15-19 has increased, while it dropped in older age groups.
Social media makes it easier than ever for anyone that is suffering to find material that is unhelpful (in the sense it makes their depression or anxiety worse) or downright dangerous (where it gives information on suicide).
Molly, 14, was found dead in her bedroom in November 2017 after showing “no obvious signs”” of severe mental health issues.
Her family later found she had been viewing material on social media linked to anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicide. Her father, Ian, said Instagram “helped kill my daughter”.
Of course, social media can also be used to distribute hateful and offensive, and in the case of the El Paso shooting over the weekend, dangerous material to a receptive audience.
7 Practical Tips for Building Confidence and Self-Esteem
Conclusion
Personally, I am wary of social media. I have not yet learned the art of dealing with it in a positive way, mostly because my social anxiety makes it difficult for me to connect to a community of likeminded people, who share my values and thoughts, who can bring a positive experience to my life.
I have been thinking about this recently and what I should do and one thought I’ve had is that instead of trying to find a community to join, I should build my own, so watch this space (I will update this page with the relevant information.
In the meantime, please reach out to me with your own experiences. Let’s build our own community of positive and confident people, and being confident or positive is not a pre-requisite to join, all that I ask is that you are willing to become those, and willing to work to better your own life.
As always, keep any negative and offensive thoughts to yourself. This is a positive environment where we build each other up.
15 reasons why I’m afraid of Social Media and 13 ways to deal with Social Media Anxiety
Like most people who have had negative experiences on social media, I am afraid of it. In fact, it causes me so much anxiety having to interact on social media that I decided to make a list of all the things I’m afraid of.
Why I’m afraid of Social Media:
- Someone saying something mean to me
- Being on the receiving end of someone’s anger
- Being on the receiving end of someone’s self-righteous judgement (the internet is full of people that are offended in some way)
- Simply being judged for no good reason
- Being ridiculed
- Being made fun of
- Being trolled
- Having a meme made of me doing something silly or stupid
- Appearing stupid
- Rejection
- Being called names
- Being wrong (yes, I am afraid of that)
- Whole groups of people all “flaming” me (is that still a term people use?)
- Being on the wrong side of a debate or argument
- Being alone
And truthfully a whole bunch more random fears, too many to list here.
13 Tips for dealing with Social Media Anxiety
- Just because it’s a blogger you like and admire doesn’t make them a good or nice person worthy of your respect.
- Just because someone blocks you doesn’t make them a bad or rude person either.
- Look at it from their point of view, why should they put up with the opinion of yet another random internet?
- Read your own comment again, does it come across as aggressive, critical, or negative?
- Getting into a “war of words” is pointless and can only escalate with no resolution.
- Why should anyone on the internet care about your opinion on anything?
- Similarly, why do you care about the opinion of the other person on anything? You don’t even know each other!
- Don’t criticize strangers on the internet, for the same reason you wouldn’t criticize a random stranger in the supermarket.
- In fact, your opinion on social media to another person is probably as welcome as your girlfriend or boyfriend’s mother commenting on your weight gain.
- Like your mother always told you, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!
- It’s ok to have a difference of opinion with someone.
- Don’t care what strangers think. They’re not worth your time and energy.
Feel free to save this to your phone so you have it handy every time you go on social media.
