In this post, I have outlined 12 surefire signs that you are being taken for granted by a friend as well as strategies to help you deal with such people.
Human beings are hardwired to be social. This is the reason why we surround ourselves with people whom we believe have our best interests at heart in order to thrive.
Social interactions are good for mental health. In addition, they promote self-improvement, and create a sense of security and belongingness. True friends, family members, and peers make key aspects of a good social support system.
However, we don’t always make the best choices when it comes to choosing friends, and not everybody who claims to be your friend is in your life with the right intentions.
Some friends are true and of a kind nature. These are the ones who will make you feel loved, appreciated, and valued.
Others will take you for granted, trigger negative emotions, sap your self-respect and make you doubt even your own life. Luckily, you can spot such friends if you know what to be on the lookout for.
In this post, I have outlined 12 surefire signs that you are being taken for granted by a friend as well as strategies to help you deal with such people.
First of all, though, let’s learn a thing or two about what being taken for granted means and the possible reasons why it is happening.
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What Being Taken for Granted Means
To borrow from the definitions from the different dictionaries, there’s nothing good about being taken for granted. It means that you are not properly valued, noticed, or appreciated despite someone drawing some benefits from interacting with you.
It gets worse; being taken for granted often results from not being taken seriously due to overfamiliarity or the belief that you will always be available to do the things that you do.
Possible Reasons Why Your Friend Is Taking You For Granted
The reasons you are being taken for granted could be influenced by your own nature or the nature of the person taking you for granted. This does not, however, justify any person taking you for granted and then blaming it on you or making you feel guilty about it.
Certain traits and behavior can make it easier for someone to take advantage of you. From the other perspective, some people just happen to be insensitive and self-seeking enough to keep taking from you without reciprocating. Still, a person could be taking you for granted without realizing it.
If you check a good number of the statements in the checklist below, then you have an idea of where it all starts.
- You are a people pleaser
- You continue giving and don’t expect much in return
- You have a hard time saying no to people
- You are often indecisive
- You hate confrontations
- You are easily intimidated by others
- You rarely set boundaries with others
- You are afraid of being alone
- You regard everyone’s feelings above your own
- In addition to friends, you crave appreciation from co-workers, a romantic partner, and family
12 Telltale Signs That A Friend Is Taking You For Granted
One thing that someone taking advantage of you will not tell you is that they are actually doing it. Their lives are better with you in them and if they also happen to be manipulative and selfish, they would even want you to do more.
It is upon you to figure it out on your own and if you have been seeing some smoke, it is possible there’s a fire somewhere. The signs below can help you figure it out.
1. They Are Too Busy For You
Whether you are reaching out to check on them, make plans to hook up, or because you need something, a friend who is always too busy for you undervalues you.
While no one recommends that you look for a friend who is at your beck and call, true friendship requires availability, responsibility, and maintenance. If they can’t fit you into their schedule then one thing is clear, the reason you are in their life is far from true friendship.
2. Conversations Are Mostly One-Sided
Did you know that having deeper conversations makes you happier? Research suggests that you will be happier if you spend less time alone and more time having substantive conversations or simply put, conversations where real information is exchanged.
Such mutual conversations “… instill a sense of meaning to the interaction partners”. I doubt you will have this with one-sided conversations. Being taken for granted like this by a friend is more likely to make you feel lonely, burdened, and disconnected.
3. Disrespect You
Disrespect can be as elusive as guilt-tripping and falsehood or as obvious as name-calling and rudeness. There are numerous signs of disrespect and you will find them if you go looking.
Respect starts with the simplest of things including showing gratitude for effort made, apologizing when in the wrong, and disagreeing respectfully. It then grows to bigger and more complex things as your friendship grows.
The point is, if your friend can’t show you a basic level of respect, it is a sign that you are being taken for granted and it can only get worse.
4. They Have Little Concern For What’s Happening In Your Life
Whether it is a career, hobbies, romantic life, or family, friends should care about the lives of their friends. A good friend checks on their friend from time to time.
You want to find out if they are still following the workout routine they started last week and if their kid has finally settled in the new school. You also want to know what you can do to help them prepare for their upcoming event.
Sometimes you don’t even have to do much, the concern is just enough to put them in a happy place. The question is, do they do the same when it is your turn? If the answer is not an outright yes, then there’s a problem.
5. They Use You As A Stepping Stone
Have you ever felt so needed by a friend only to find out later that you were just there to serve a purpose?
If not, be on the lookout for that friend that will spend time with you, seek you out, and keep calling or chatting with you until you do something for them. Afterward, they act completely indifferent.
That something could be related to their career, relationship, family, or another important aspect of their life, and no, you don’t have to be rich or famous for someone to be taking advantage of you, you just need to be able to meet a certain need
6. You Don’t Feel Appreciated For The Things You Do For Them
Friends should feel happy helping out their friends, I do!
And while we don’t usually help in order to be thanked or to be told how indispensable we are, a little appreciation goes a long way in motivating us to keep doing it, won’t you agree?
According to research published on Research Gate, recognition and appreciation lead to motivation, better performance, and satisfaction. Good friends know your worth and the effort you put into the friendship, better friends go a step further to recognize it and show appreciation.
Friends that take you for granted just don’t seem to care.
7. They Easily Get Offended When You Can’t Meet Their Expectations
So all seems to be going so well with your friend. You have even been showered with false admiration and flattery because, as you will come to find out later, it has all been about bending to their every whim…
Until something happens and you are not able to keep up. Being the good friend you are, you expect them to understand because after all, it has all been good. Instead, they get awfully offended, they complain and start guilt-tripping you.
By the time they are done with you, you feel like the worst friend ever- there is your sign!
8. They Don’t Go Out Of Their Way For You
A friend in need is a friend indeed, need I say more? We all go through situations where we need other people to help us or at the very least be there for us be it physically or emotionally.
Going out of your way for a friend may mean skipping a few hours of sleep at night to accompany your best friend for an emergency visit to the hospital, babysitting for them on your day off because the sitter bailed, or allowing them to crash at your place for whatever reason. This goes both ways.
If you are the only one giving or they only do what is convenient for them, what’s the difference between them and anybody else?
9. They Don’t Put In The Work For The Friendship
I mentioned earlier that friendship requires maintenance. And maintenance requires work whether that means showing up, prioritizing, reciprocating, appreciating, apologizing, supporting, or encouraging.
When this is mutual, the results are totally worth the effort. If instead you are feeling used, tired, and drained by the friendship, I don’t need to tell you that someone is taking advantage of you.
10. Your Feelings, Opinions, Or Perspectives Don’t Matter To Them
Recognition of someone’s feelings, emotions, and thoughts as valid is called validation. In a friendship, validation helps to affirm that your bond is intact despite differing on how you feel about or perceive certain issues.
The opposite of emotional validation, emotional invalidation, in any kind of relationship, is one of the biggest blows to your emotional health. It can cause you to feel resentment for the one invalidating you as well as trigger feelings of worthlessness.
A friend who disregards you this way has little respect for you.
11. They Violate Boundaries
For any relationship to grow, and for each party to thrive as an individual, boundaries are necessary. Boundaries represent what is and what is not acceptable for each one of you and they go both ways to ensure balance.
Depending on the strength of your bond and what you agree on, boundaries can vary in kind and degree of seriousness. One of the easiest ways for a friend to start taking advantage of you is to start violating boundaries little by little.
12. They Act Entitled
Friends who are entitled are easy to spot. They feel that you owe them more than they owe you in a friendship. They are manipulative people who are fueled by the need to win, exert control on you, and remain superior.
Entitled friends, therefore, may not really care about taking advantage of you as long as they get what they want. They will ask for favors without giving the same in return, inconvenience you without apologies, and treat you rudely with no qualms.
How To Deal With A Friend Who Is Taking Advantage Of You
If you are feeling taken for granted, then maybe you are. You deserve to be respected and appreciated all the time for everything you are worth. If that is not happening you can decide to employ the strategies below to give yourself a break.
Notably, none of the strategies I have shared here works like magic- they require determination, enforcement, and assertion. Just so you know, you will face resistance, a friend may even break it off. Don’t be surprised if you feel like a bad person at some point, it is all part of the process.
Acknowledge Being Taken For Granted
Living in denial is the worst disfavor you can do to yourself when you are clearly being taken for granted. And no one said it is easy to admit that you were being fooled by someone you considered a dear friend.
Nevertheless, if you can identify the signs I pointed out above, then it is time to call it as it is.
This is the point where you also acknowledge your emotions including feeling resentful after realizing that a person you trusted didn’t have much regard for you, the gut feeling that you have all the time that something is not right, and maybe the fact that you feel being ‘nice’ ought to have afforded you better treatment.
While at it, it makes a huge difference when you avoid dwelling on the negative feelings and instead choose to acknowledge them with the intention of moving forward.
Learn To Speak Out
Speaking out will especially help if you struggle with self-doubt or are uncomfortable with confrontations for fear of making the wrong move or upsetting others.
Unfortunately, this could also be the reason why someone is taking advantage of you and the only way to regain control is to learn how to speak out assertively.
I can tell you for free that it is not going to be easy. You may have to first dispel some childhood beliefs, rehearse that conversation several times, master a good dose of courage, and even anticipate all manner of consequences.
The good news is, it is totally worth it! When you are ready, ensure you express how you feel, and what you don’t like, and state your expectations of the friendship.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are a great way to ensure people stop taking advantage of you or disrespecting you. They help to prop your needs as equally important in all kinds of relationships.
Setting boundaries with a person who takes advantage of you is communicating that you won’t tolerate certain behavior because you deserve respect. Boundaries work best when they are clear, well communicated, and accompanied by consequences for violation.
It also helps to be considerate yet assertive and consistent with the boundaries you set in order for them to take.
Know When To Say No
While it feels good to be able to help someone with something, sometimes we just don’t have the energy, time, or psyche. This is the time to say no and be assertive about it.
It is not easy, especially if it’s not what you have been doing. Some friends will not take it kindly. Others will even try to guilt-trip you especially if they feel entitled to your help.
Don’t fall for their manipulative tactics, and no, you don’t have to defend yourself or justify your decision.
When we insist on saying yes to every request, we are creating an avenue for abuse of our kindness. Worse still, we may be unable to keep up with our own duties and responsibilities, which leads to frustration.
Work On Your Own Life
What about you makes it easier for other people to take you for granted? How many items did you check in the checklist I shared earlier? Several? It is time to do something about it.
Is it your availability? Find something better to do with yourself. Do you always put others first? How about focusing on self-love and self-development for some time?
Have you been conditioned to be so ‘nice’ that people easily take advantage of you? Embrace the possibility of having a mutually fulfilling friendship.
The point is, if you don’t work on yourself, soon there will be nothing left of you to give. So go ahead and create some positive emotions to build your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. Learn the benefits of self-affirmations and start appreciating and respecting yourself before you expect it from others.
Conclusion
There you go! The signs that you are being taken for granted by friends, and everything else you need to know.
Friends who take advantage of you need to be dealt with sooner rather than later. The first step is examining your friendship for red flags and if you find even one of the signs I have shared above, then there’s more than meets the eyes.
It is time to nip the behavior in the bud before it is too late.
