Here are 12 signs your partner needs space but haven’t been able to say so.
When you are crazy about your partner and want to spend every minute of your life with her, you want to believe that the feeling is mutual.
I mean, you don’t even hesitate to take time off work or cut down the time you spend with family and friends in order to spend time with her.
Still, there are times that something seems off and your time together is never the same. Could your partner be needing some breathing room?
Typically, you would expect your partner to tell you that they need some alone time if that is the case. Unfortunately, if she is not the kind that speaks out all her sentiments, and probably for the fear of hurting you, she may continue like everything is okay.
Whether she says it or not, personal space in a romantic relationship is something she might be needing and no, it is not as bad as it sounds.
It is not a sign that your relationship is ending and neither is it an indication that your partner isn’t in love with you anymore.
If anything, giving each other a little space might just be what both of you need to reboot, and refresh. You can then give the best version of yourselves into making your relationship stronger.
So, how do you tell that your partner could be needing space? I have outlined 12 telltale signs to be on the lookout for.
To start you off though here are a few things you need to know about the need for space in a relationship.
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What Space Means in a Healthy Relationship
Space means that someone wants to take time to focus on themselves and their own needs. It entails making personal decisions and doing things that make one happy.
When your partner needs time alone, it could be something to do with personal reasons or things to do with the relationship.
The reasons may include the need to develop a better mindset, deal with something in her life, get some downtime, or spend time with other people close to her.
On a relationship level, she could be feeling claustrophobic or looking for an opportunity to find herself again. She can also be trying to figure out the direction of the relationship.
As I stated earlier, her need for space shouldn’t send you into panic mode unless you have reason to believe that other factors are in play.
What Needing Space in a Relationship is Not
The need for a breathing room is often misinterpreted into something it is not. This usually happens when there is no open communication between partners or when one partner wants to hide behind ‘needing space’ for other reasons.
Here’s is what you need to understand:
Space in a Relationship is not Silent Treatment
When done right, alone time is given in agreement between partners and with the understanding of the reasons behind it.
Silent treatment, on the other hand, leaves one partner in the dark and is oftentimes done with the intention to manipulate the partner on the receiving end.
Space in a relationship is Not Falling out of Love
It is possible for a partner to use the need for space as an excuse for falling out of love. However, the two should not be confused.
A partner who loves you and is interested in maintaining a happy relationship can still need space. The secret lies in communicating this need in a transparent way and keeping you in the loop so that you don’t feel left out.
Space in a Relationship is not Break up
While space means that one or both of you are working through something on your own before reconvening to forge the way forward, breaking up simply means that you have gone separate ways and you are both free to move on.
How Much Space is too much Space for a Partner?
The amount of space you give to your partner can depend on a lot of factors including why she needs the space, how much of it she needs, and how the space affects your relationship.
Allowing your partner enough space may involve some form of compromise by both of you. The idea here should be to allow her the space she needs while considering the needs of both of you and ensuring the least impact on the relationship.
That said, alone time can be an impromptu thing, a regular thing, or a once-in-a-while thing.
It can be as little as a few minutes she needs to take a walk and clear her head, a few hours every week to pursue a personal hobby on her own, an evening alone, or a few days visiting and reconnecting with friends and family.
If what they are asking for is too much for the relationship to handle or looks like a result of more than the need for space, then it’s probably time to explore other issues in the relationship.
For example, if she asks for too much time away from you, totally disregards your feelings, stonewalls you, or gives you the silent treatment, there could be more than meets the eye.
12 Signs you Should Create Space for Her
Giving your partner space is an easy enough problem to handle if you know when to do it and do it right.
The signs below can help you realize when space can do a whole lot of good than anything else.
Notably, any of the signs could indicate some other issues in relationships but if you practice a little patience, you will know soon enough.
1. Her Hobbies have Become her Sanctuary
It is not uncommon for partners to go out of their way to develop an interest in each other’s hobbies with the intention of spending time together.
While this is beneficial in strengthening the relationship bond, experts tend to think that different hobbies and interests help to build each person individually which in turn helps in improving intimacy.
When a partner is feeling like they are losing their individuality, a personal hobby might be one of the places they run to hide. If she doesn’t seem to want you in her hobbies anymore, it might just be a need for space.
2. She is Irritable
There could be a gazillion reasons why you seem to rattle her with everything that you say or do. More times than you can believe, it is nothing personal.
She could be anxious, depressed, sleep-deprived, or dealing with some kind of hormonal imbalance.
This is no excuse for being rude or snappy but if she feels irritable, engaging her might not be the best course of action. You can save yourself some trouble, find something to do, and give her some space to cool off.
3. She Hints in a Subtle Way
First of all, hints are not the recommendable way of communicating with a partner. Secondly, research actually shows that men even have trouble deciphering hints from women.
Now that we have gotten that out of our way, welcome to the reality; sometimes, hints are just what you are going to get- not that I encourage them or anything like that…
A lame excuse not to accompany you to the grocery store or to dissuade you from going with her to the park even though you offered could be a subtle way of telling you “I need the next 30 minutes to myself”
Of course, there could be other reasons for this but if it is happening from time to time, you might want to encourage her to speak it out because yes, she might need space.
4. She Starts Going Along with Everything you Decide
This doesn’t sound like something bad at all, except this is not what you want in a partner nor is it an aspect of a healthy relationship.
It might reduce arguments and disagreements but the fact that she offers no opinion of her own is an indication that she has lost her individuality and is not able to stand up for what she believes or feels.
You can choose to remain in control and end up in an unhealthy relationship or you can allow her some space to find herself and increase your chances to make your relationship stronger.
5. She drops Non-verbal Cues
This is another thing that will test both your listening and observational skills. Closed off body language including crossed arms, looking away from you, or hugging herself closely on her side of the bed might mean ‘permission to approach not granted’.
Of course, if this goes on for some time you want to find out if there’s more happening but when it happens once in a while, she could just be needing a moment to herself. You will know for sure if giving her some space seems to change her mood for the better.
6. She is trying to Create Some Alone Time
Someone who is trying to have some time to herself will go to great lengths to do it, especially if they are finding it difficult to speak it out.
This can include picking up a new hobby, waking up earlier than usual to get an extra 30 minutes, sleeping later in the night, slotting an activity between leaving work and reaching home, and taking a raincheck on some events or activities.
7. She has a Lot on her Plate
Sometimes, she has so much going on in her life that she is finding it hard to balance her attention. It could be things related to her career, business, family, or some other personal things.
When you already know this, continuing to demand the same attention you are used to can be overwhelming for her.
The best gift to give at this point is to assure her of your support when she needs it and offer her more space to focus on her personal issues.
8. Her Responses Have Gone Down to Short Answers
Is she responding in short answers that clearly tell you she doesn’t want to talk about it?
First of all, you want to be sure that your partner doesn’t have the habit of stonewalling you as this manipulative behavior can easily create emotional distance between you and destroy your relationship.
If she is typically responsive and easy to talk to, there are those times that you will catch her at a bad time or a time when she is not yet ready to talk and the best move would be to take 5 and try some other time.
9. Conversations are mostly Arguments
An argument is the opposite of a calm conversation and it is hardly the right circumstance for the two of you to be rational.
You may be trying to explain something and there is nothing hurtful you said to your recollection but still, she is picking a fight with you at every opportunity.
In such a state, you are more likely to end up making things worse and hurting each other more.
One of the most effective ways of avoiding escalation is to back off and allow both yourself and your partner the space to calm down.
10. She is Exhibiting Symptoms of Codependency
To know if your partner is becoming codependent on you, ask yourself who she is without you. Can she make the simplest decisions, follow her passion, engage in hobbies, and find interests outside of the relationship?
If your answer is no, there you go! Codependency reduces her to a person who goes along with anything as long as it is what you want. It indicates a one-sided relationship in that she has completely lost her identity.
With time, this will negatively impact her career, interaction with other people, and her normal activities
If you love her, this is not the kind of relationship you want to have with her. You will want to give her space, and even see a family therapist together to help her find a life outside the relationship.
11. Spending Time Together Doesn’t Seem to Excite Her Like Before
Have you and your partner been joined at the hip? This can especially happen when you work together, live together, and also share interests.
At first, it can feel great but little by little, the excitement wears off with time and you may start feeling claustrophobic, bored, and like you are constantly pushing against each other.
If you are not feeling this already, maybe she beat you to it, leaving you wondering where the spark went. The thing is, some distance could be all she needs to get the spark back.
12. She Says It
When your partner tells you that she needs space, it might be the last thing you want to hear particularly when you feel like all is well in your relationship.
However, I’ve got to tell you that it is a better alternative than trying to figure it out by yourself.
For whatever reason, as long as there is proper communication on what she needs, why she needs it, and how the two of you will go about it, it is just about that time.
Conclusion
One or both partners in a relationship may need space from each other from time to time. Personally, I do and would encourage it.
While this may sound like a bad sign, honoring a partner’s need for space can actually benefit your lives and the relationship.
Space helps partners in a relationship develop the best of themselves, just the combination needed to make your bond stronger.
Talking about the details of what your partner needs is important but long before enough words are said, the above signs can help you know that it’s time.
