Respect and trust are the cornerstones of a healthy, happy and equal relationship. Here are the signs of disrespect to look out for.
Respect means different things to different people. In a relationship, respect should be easy and uncomplicated- you’ve already kicked off by loving the person and are probably even making big plans for the future…
Simple gestures such as appreciating their effort, not interrupting when your partner starts talking, and developing a positive attitude towards their personal development goes a long way where respect counts.
Nevertheless, as easy as this sounds, there are many signs that point to the lack of respect in numerous relationships and many are barely pulling through.
It is also unfortunate that many people are suffering disrespect and they can’t even tell it because the signs are so subtle and excusable.
Where do you fall? Have you experienced a major sign of disrespect or are you trying to figure out if you should give him the benefit of doubt because you are unsure?
The 19 tell-tale signs he doesn’t respect you outlined in this post might just convince you.
To start you off, it is just as important to understand where such things stem from- just in case you decide to give your relationship a fighting chance.
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Why He Doesn’t Respect You
There could be a ton of reasons why men disrespect women and they can be as unique as each human being is.
First things first though, let’s make it clear that not all men are disrespectful to women, so we are not talking about every man here
Secondly, when a man chooses to disrespect you, it is not your fault despite what he could be telling you or insinuating.
It is worth noting, however, that each one of you has a role to play in order to maintain a mutually respectful relationship.
So, back to why he shows a lack of respect for you; it could be in his personality, past experiences, or just a coping mechanism- let me explain:
Superiority Complex
There are men who feel superior to women and in exercising their superiority, disrespecting you comes out as normal just because you are a woman.
This disrespectful behavior also referred to as Superiority Complex, is the trigger behind the most common signs of disrespect exhibited by men towards women
Nasty Past Experiences
Past experience can have an impact on current and future relationships. Men who have had nasty personal experiences with women, e.g. an abusive former girlfriend, ex-wife, female relative, or mother, may develop deep-rooted contempt for women. This manifests in intentional or unintentional disrespect.
Where experience matters, the lack of it can also come into play. Men who only interacted with men growing up may not understand what respect means where women are concerned.
Could it be that your partner doesn’t have much experience with women and he actually has no idea that he is disrespecting you?
Coping Mechanism
If he is dealing with self-esteem issues, jealousy, insecurity, or rejection, a man may resort to disrespect as a coping mechanism and a way to feel in control. Too bad for you if you happen to be an easy target.
Signs He Doesn’t Respect you Enough
Having established that what manifests as a lack of respect can be either intentional or unintentional, there’s hope that some relationships can still be saved.
If you are experiencing disrespect in your relationship or marriage, it falls on you to analyze your personal experience critically and engage your partner further before you can conclude that he doesn’t respect you enough.
Here are 19 red flags to prompt you into action:
1. He Ogles Other Women In Your Presence
A wandering eye in a partner, as studies and experts concur, might just be them naturally admiring the attractiveness of others.
However, it could also be harmful to a relationship especially if the other partner has expressed concerns. When you detect this early in the relationship, it is important to establish what is not acceptable to you to avoid future arguments.
If despite this your partner keeps on checking out other girls, flirting with them, talking about his ex-girlfriend, or suggestively commenting about other women, it is offensive, demeaning, and disrespectful.
2. He Trivializes Your Feelings
We are all emotional beings and feelings of all kinds are part of us. Understanding and respecting a partner’s feelings is one key aspect of a healthy relationship.
When your partner trivializes or dismisses how you feel, he is also likely to keep hurting you and getting away with it.
Do you feel like you lack the liberty to speak your thoughts, give an opinion or let your emotions run whenever you are with your partner? Does he show little or no interest in what is happening in your life? Does he ignore the negative effects of his actions on you?
The chances are that your feelings are of no consequence to him.
3. He Lies To You
Do you catch him in a lie from time to time or find out things he kept from you? These are warning signs that he doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth, period!
According to the American Counseling Association, people may lie for many reasons: To avoid hurting their partner, to escape embarrassment, to cover a bad situation, or to paint themselves in a better light, among other reasons.
Regardless of the reason behind their lies, one thing that serial liars have in common is the desire to be in control. This is hardly the recipe for a healthy relationship.
Lies impair trust, mutual respect, and intimacy.
4. He Bad Mouths People Close to You
It is possible that not all of your family and friends will get along with your partner. Nevertheless, if they matter to you they should matter to him.
Being the common factor between the two, it is your responsibility to ensure that both parties get the respect they deserve from each other.
When he intentionally badmouths people close to you without caring about hurting you, he is disrespecting both them and you.
5. You Are Clearly Not A Priority In His Life
He may not stop living his life to live for you but trust me, you will know when you are an option rather than a priority.
If a boyfriend respects you, things that matter to you will naturally matter to him. And time will be one of the greatest gifts he will give you. This means that he will go out of his way to spend quality time with you no matter how busy he is.
If he instead keeps on making excuses or spends more of his free time with friends, family, or following an individual passion, then that’s a clear sign of disrespect.
6. He Doesn’t Keep His Word
Whether it is broken promises, canceled dates, forgetting things, turning up late, or repeatedly changing plans, a man who doesn’t keep his word clearly doesn’t value your time or relationship.
While such outcomes can be unavoidable at times, a respectful man takes responsibility which promotes understanding on your part. Making a habit of them, however, is clearly a lack of respect.
7. You Start Developing Self Doubt Because of Him
If you have started feeling inadequate, unsure of your steps, and indecisive after being in a relationship or being married to him, then he is gradually instilling self-doubt in you.
You can develop self-doubt when a partner treats you in certain ways including looking down on you, dismissing you, invalidating your opinions, and not paying attention to you, all of which are common signs of disrespect.
8. He Doesn’t Make An Effort To Stay In Contact
So you are the one that calls or texts most of the time? And even then, you are not sure that you will reach him? And it gets worse; he only responds to missed calls or messages at his own convenience?
Does this sound familiar? Maybe you are not all that important to him.
Communication is an important aspect of healthy relationships and if you are putting in the time to stay in touch, your efforts should be reciprocated. If not, it’s a big deal in terms of mutual respect.
9. He Subjects You To The Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is one of the subtle signs of disrespect to be on the lookout for. It happens when your partner refuses to engage you verbally or even acknowledge you for a period of time.
The silent treatment is different from a timeout where you or your partner take a breather from a heated argument to calm down and then resume a conversation.
If your partner regularly dishes out power plays such as the silent treatment to make you bend to his whims, this is not just disrespectful behavior but also emotional abuse.
10. He Makes Major Decisions Without Consulting you
Whether you are in a relationship or in marriage, major decisions in your partner’s life will affect you in one way or another and he should afford you enough respect to keep you in the loop.
One instance where your partner makes a decision concerning his personal life or the relationship without involving you might not be a surefire sign of disrespect especially if the both of you discuss things later and land on the same page.
When this becomes a trend though, he is sending the message that your input or opinion doesn’t matter and neither does the impact their decision has on you or your relationship.
11. He Belittles You
Belittling can take various forms of verbal abuse including criticism, condescension, put-downs, comparing you to other girls, and manipulation. These are subtle signs of disrespect which if not detected and dealt with will wear you down and gradually diminish your self-esteem.
If your partner causes you to feel small, to question your self-worth, or feel like you are not good enough, then you are in a toxic relationship, and in addition to disrespect, you are also subjecting yourself to mental and emotional abuse.
12. He Disregards Your Boundaries
Boundaries are paramount for a long-lasting relationship. They dictate how you expect people to treat you or act around you.
Setting healthy boundaries should be driven by the need for each party in a relationship to preserve their self-respect and live life on their own terms while offering their partner the same.
This way, each partner can have personal space and take responsibility and ownership for feelings, opinions, perspectives, and actions on their ‘side of the line’
Whether it is refusing to take no for an answer, mishandling your personal belongings, or doing something that they know will make you uncomfortable, boundary-crossing behavior in a partner can make you feel disrespected and violated.
13. He Cuts You Short When You Are Talking
If you think being cut off mid-sentence by colleagues, bosses, and friends is annoying, try being on the receiving end in a relationship!
A partner who repeatedly talks over you denies you the right to be heard. This shows disrespect, impatience, and self-centeredness.
In short, he is exercising control over the conversation and telling you that what he has to say is more important than your knowledge and views.
A relationship is a two-way process and both parties deserve respect.
14. He Is Misogynistic
If he dislikes or is prejudiced against women, which is the meaning of a misogynist, it is pointless to expect any kind of respect from him even if he professes unconditional love.
On the contrary, the misogynistic attitude makes him unpredictable, controlling, jealous and abusive. Interestingly, misogynists can have relationships with and get married and may actually pass for loving and kind partners.
However, they can only keep the act for so long and soon enough, they will display their disrespectful and abusive claws.
15. He Doesn’t Stand Up For You
Can you confidently say that your partner has your back 100% of the time? If you even hesitated to answer this, there’s a problem.
Healthy relationships are based on unconditional love, open communication, mutual trust, loyalty, and mutual respect. These are the qualities that lead partners to defend each other at all times.
When he fails to stand up for you against friends, family, colleagues, etc, beware of the red flags!
16. He Drains You
Spending time with the person you love should be fulfilling, exciting, and enriching even. Simply put, you should feel good about yourself. Can you use these words to describe how you feel after some time with your partner?
In the case that you feel needy, guilty, exhausted, used, and are actually looking forward to ‘recovery time’ alone after you spend time with him, he is probably an energy vampire who is emotionally draining you.
Sometimes, you cannot exactly pinpoint the signs of disrespect because energy vampires prey on your loving and compassionate nature and will use tactics so elusive that you end up giving them the benefit of the doubt most of the time.
17. He Does Not Trust You
Trust is one of the pillars of a strong relationship and it starts with mutual respect. When he doesn’t trust you, he may play detective on you, make false accusations and behave overly protective.
Some partners will even go to the extent of checking with a third party to verify the information you give. Besides the above obvious signs, mistrusting partners also have trouble opening up and may keep important details about their personal life from you.
18. He Says Negative Things About You To Others
Have you ever overheard a conversation where your partner was discussing you in a bad light or making nasty comments about you to others? You may also hear about it from someone else, chance upon a text, or even be present when this is happening.
People tend to protect and stand by people they love even when everyone else doesn’t. You should expect nothing less from your partner and backbiting you with others is an obvious sign of disrespect.
19. He Doesn’t Appreciate Your Efforts
How did you feel the last time someone acknowledged your effort and expressed gratitude for something you did at work, at home, or even in the streets? I bet you felt motivated to do more, right?
It is no different when it comes to a relationship. You want to feel appreciated for who you are and the value you bring to the table.
This consequently makes you feel loved, special, valuable, respected, and best of all, motivated to reciprocate.
Unfortunately, someone who has little respect for you will not notice even when you keep on giving and giving.
Conclusion
Mutual respect is paramount for the health and well-being of every relationship. While there’s some evidence that it can be unintentional, nobody should have to suffer disrespect.
If you don’t feel respected, the above signs can help you confirm it and the ball is in your court now.
Only you can decide if you will suffer in silence, do something about it, or move on. If he loves you that much, it is time he starts respecting the decision you are just about to make.
