Do you struggle to say no? Are you always falling for the bad boy or the crazy hot girl? Do you feel like a doormat? Lack of self-respect might be the cause. Learn 41 ways to show yourself the respect you deserve.
What is self-respect?
Self-respect, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-regard all go hand in hand and have a lot of overlap.
The difference between self-confidence and self-esteem is so small that I barely bother with it anymore. Both refer to how you SEE yourself.
Self-respect however, has more to do with how you TREAT yourself. It’s about having pride and confidence and behaving with honour and dignity, and valuing yourself, your work and your contributions.
What does respecting yourself mean?
So to respect yourself, you have to treat yourself with respect and dignity.
In other words, people with self-respect do not put themselves down, they do not criticise themselves or demean themselves.
It is also how you behave around others, and towards others. And how you let others treat you. If you let people walk all over you, treat you like a doormat or take advantage of you, then that is the opposite of self-respect.
People with self-respect understand that their wants and needs are just as important as another person’s, and therefore they should be treated as an equal, and with a measure of respect.
If someone does not treat them with respect, they have the confidence to speak out and challenge the situation or the person.
How do you begin to respect yourself?
A little bit every day goes a long way.
If you are coming from a place where you have low self-esteem, never say no to others, and never prioritize your own wants or needs, then learning to simply say no to a small request from a family member will feel like a giant leap.
But like all skills in life, as long as you develop and practice your new self-respect muscle a little bit every day, you will eventually grow into a strong person that won’t let anyone or anything walk all over them.
Related Posts
Why should you respect yourself?
People without self-respect, who allow others to treat them without respect, are pretty miserable.
It can lead to depression, self-destructive behaviour and suicidal thoughts.
People with a healthy level of self-respect are more able to respond to all the many challenges life throws at them, and overcome negative events in their lives (illness, death, job loss, etc).
Plus, they feel happier and more relaxed and will enjoy a greater amount of career, life and financial success.
Causes of low self-respect
There are many things that lead to low self-esteem, which will in turn make you treat yourself with a lack of self-respect.
Events during our childhood can have a massive impact on our self-esteem, whether that is simply over critical parents or physical or emotional abuse.
Toxic relationships in adulthood can also scar you no matter how much confidence and self-esteem you have.
Check out my article on the many causes of low self-esteem.
Respecting Yourself – 41 Ways To Show Yourself Respect
1. Learn to say no
People who don’t say no, end up subjugating their own needs and wants for that of others.
When you do that, inevitably people will take advantage of your good nature, and you end up becoming a doormat for someone else.
It’s OK to put yourself first. You are the most important person in your life. Yes, even more important than that of your children. And no, it’s not narcissistic.
2. Set healthy boundaries
If you don’t like how someone speaks to you, you have the right to call that person out.
Similarly, if a family member or friend is constantly expecting you to drop everything and drive them somewhere, or do them a favour, or lend them money, it’s within your right to not only say no, but to explain why you are saying no, and how you are affected by their constant unrealistic expectations.
3. Prioritize your own needs and wants
My mother, a wonderful woman, put the needs of her husband and 4 children first.
Unfortunately, she had 4 daughters, and what we learned from her, in spite of her good intentions, is to put the needs of others first.
She thought by putting us first she would raise 4 strong daughters that would not make the mistakes that she had made. And while she did raise 4 strong daughters, it’s very hard for us to break free from the example she set.
My advice to parents is always to lead by example. If you want your children to learn to say no, then YOU must also be prepared to say NO TO YOUR CHILDREN.
It sounds counter-intuitive and parents really struggle with this, but as long as you maintain balance and act with kindness, your children will be fine.
The same goes for any type of relationship, romantic, causal, work, etc. If one person is putting the needs of the other person first, then effectively (unless you are in some form of polygamous relationship – no judging here it’s your life) there are 2 people prioritizing the needs of 1 person, and zero people prioritizing the needs of the second person.
It’s unbalanced.
No unbalanced relationship is healthy, or will survive for very long. And even when it does survive for a few years, one person will end up feeling emotionally abused.
4. Surround yourself with people who treat you with kindness and respect
When people treat you with respect and kindness, you will become more and more used to it, and in the end, will come to expect it.
When you reach the point where you expect it from others, then you have raised your self-esteem and will start to treat yourself with self-respect without even having to think about it.
It’s hard to maintain self-respect when you are bombarded by other people with behaviour that is disrespectful.
5. Surround yourself with positivity
No matter how strong you are, if you are surrounded by negativity, you will become a negative person.
Unless you are Nelson Mandela, but even he had his bad days I’m sure.
6. Watch who you date
Toxic relationships will scar you for years to come.
Watch out for any partner who treats others with disrespect, because when the warm glow of infatuation wears off, YOU will be treated with the same disrespect.
7. Forgive yourself
People can be pretty mean to themselves.
Yes you made a mistake, but it doesn’t have to define you. We all make mistakes, it’s part of life. And so is forgiveness.
So forgive yourself and avoid making the same mistake again! You are only human.
8. Accept yourself
The reality is we all wish we were prettier, thinner, richer, or more successful.
You only have one body, and currently science does not yet let you switch it for another, so you might as well accept your body the way it is.
Same for your mind or personality.
There are many things you wish you could change about yourself, but you can’t. Stop trying and wasting all that energy on changing yourself to fit in, or be liked.
I’ve had to accept that I do not have the personality to do certain things at work, and that means that quite a few career paths have closed as a result. For example, while I’m a regional team lead, I’ve realized I never want to be a global manager who has to remote manage teams who I have never even met in person.
That’s not saying I couldn’t do it if I tried, or that I would be bad at it. I just know that I would not enjoy it. So that path is now closed to me. And I accept it.
So change what you can, and accept the rest.
9. You are not your thoughts
I can write a book about how to think, the truth is we were never taught how to think, we just stumbled into it.
Some people have very toxic and self-destructive thought patterns.
Just because you have a thought does not mean you have to act on it. It doesn’t define you. You can have other thoughts, even conflicting ones. You can change your mind if you want to.
And finally, as you grow older and wiser, your thoughts will change and YOU will change alongside them.
10. You are not your family
Just because your family behaves in a certain way does not mean you have to.
If you don’t like their behaviour, it’s within your right to tell them. And it’s within your power to simply avoid them as much as possible.
You are your own person with your own life, and you are entitled to your own opinions and choices.
11. Don’t let the opinions of other people control you
Stay true to yourself and your principles.
When I was starting out in my career, I let criticism at work really get to me, and I changed a lot of my own behaviour as a result. Not all of it was bad, I really did become a more well-rounded person, but in truth, I wish I could have ignored all those influences.
It hasn’t made me feel more proud of myself, or feel any more self-respect. In fact, the opposite has happened.
I am angry at all those people who thought to tell me how to behave, and I’m angry at myself for letting it happen.
Luckily I’m over it now, and I’ve learned to just ignore people, even well-intentioned ones who want you to do well. My skin is thicker and in many ways, I’ve become more focussed on what I really want.
12. Stop criticising yourself
I know a lot of people who absolutely bully themselves with the mean things they say to themselves.
Don’t say anything to yourself you wouldn’t say to a small child!
13. Acknowledge conflict in your head and deal with it
Internal conflict is your subconscious mind (or if you prefer, your soul) giving you a warning.
It’s saying you are uncomfortable with a person or a situation.
If you suppress that conflict, it will only get worse and eventually your mental health will decline.
14. Speak up when you feel hurt or scared
Don’t hide your emotions from others. If someone hurts you, say so.
Be clear and honest about your feelings. No need to shout or scream or yell or accuse. And don’t be passive aggressive either.
Simply say to that person that when they said xyz, or did abc, you felt hurt or scared by their behaviour and you wish they would stop doing it. Then leave it, it doesn’t have to be a big conversation or a big thing. Keep it short and to the point.
15. Speak up when you see or experience injustice
Even if directed at other people.
When we don’t speak up it can lead to internal conflict. We spend hours thinking about what we really should have said or done.
In the end, when we do speak up, we always feel more positive afterwards, and it leads to more self-respect.
16. Speak out when someone treats you with disrespect
Never allow others to treat you with disrespect and don’t allow them to get away with it.
Speak out immediately and let them know you won’t stand for it.
Everyone has more respect for someone who refuses to put up with disrespectful behaviour.
17. Avoid snake pits
Some of the best advice I ever got was to avoid snake pits. Because if you hang around in snake pits, you can hardly complain if you get bitten!
Well some people are snakes.
If you hang around them, you will get bitten!
In other words, avoid toxic people.
18. Don’t change your behaviour simply to gain the approval of other people
Someone once told me, “those who care don’t matter and those who matter don’t care”.
In other words, the people in your life who really matter won’t care about your perceived flaws, and they will forgive you your mistakes.
19. Don’t change who you are or want to be simply to please other people
Stay true to yourself.
When you twist yourself into knots simply to please people, you end up subjugating your own wants and needs…see point 3.
20. Behave within your own moral code
When you don’t, you feel shame and guilt, which will negatively impact your self-esteem and self-worth, as well as your self-respect.
21. Learn how to control your emotions
It’s hard to live a happy and balanced life when our emotions control us.
Moreover, we instinctively feel less respect for overly emotional and moody people. It’s behaviour, rightly or wrongly, we associate with that of a child.
Besides, emotional swings can be very draining, not only for the person experiencing them, but people around them.
22. Increase your knowledge and skills
Educating ourselves leads to an increase in self-confidence and self-worth, both will help to increase your self-respect.
23. Practise self-discipline
Self-respect is hard to maintain if you say yes to every bad idea you have, or every bad desire.
No-one wishes they ate more junk food the night before, just like no-one regrets going for a run.
Self-discipline remains the cornerstone of a strong and healthy mind that is capable of self-respect.
24. Look after your mental health
“If you think better, you will act better. If you act better, you will feel better.”
Not sure who said that, but it makes sense.
Your mental health has many components, but your thoughts, and how you allow your thoughts to control various aspects of your life will impact your mental health in a massive way.
It’s pretty hard to have self-respect when you are struggling with low self-esteem, low confidence or even depression or anxiety.
25. Physical exercise is good for mental health
Strong body, strong mind.
While I personally believe good mental health has a greater influence over physical health, the truth is the 2 are very interlinked.
The truth is also, that if you are struggling to climb a flight of stairs because you are overweight, it will be harder for you to maintain a certain level of self-respect.
Moreover, physical exercise releases endorphins and encourages healthy blood circulation that brings nutrients and oxygen to the brain. All of which will make you feel better about yourself.
26. Listen to your heart
It sounds like a very woke or airy-fairy concept, but what I mean with this is simply to learn to listen to the voice inside you that speaks out when you are feeling uncomfortable in any situation.
Too often we suppress that voice, or worse, others gaslight us into doubting our own feelings.
I promise you 100% that when you listen to your own voice, your heart or your soul (call it what you like), you will start to make decisions that are healthier for your body, your mind and your life.
27. Learn to trust yourself
Building on the above point, self-trust and self-respect go hand in hand. The more you learn to trust yourself, the more you will build respect for yourself.
28. Avoid self-defeating behaviour that breaks the trust you have in yourself
You know you should have listened to that voice in your head that said to avoid your ex.
And you know you should have listened to that voice that told you to not spend the whole day eating junk food.
Learn to listen to your heart, trust yourself, and then don’t break that trust by doing things you ALWAYS end up regretting.
29. Regrets – put them behind you
Regrets are pointless and will consume you in negative emotional energy.
They’re like taxes. We hate them, we wish we could avoid them, and they make us feel angry and negative.
However they do serve as a good learning experience.
Learn from a mistake, then move on.
Don’t spend months criticising yourself, berating yourself for the choices you made or dwelling on what-ifs. It’s incredibly bad for your mental health.
Keep the past in the past, don’t let it dictate your present or future.
30. Stop trying to be perfect
People who suffer from perfectionism struggle to accept anything that they believe is not perfect. Everything they do must be to a certain standard.
When something is less than perfect, or does not match up to their own standard, they can feel a lot of stress and anxiety. This often leads to a very negative mindset where they berate and criticize themselves over and over for days or weeks afterwards.
31. Acquire a growth mindset
People with a fixed mindset think they were born with a natural talent for something. When they are confronted with any situation where this proves to be untrue – for example they make a mistake, they really struggle and it can crush their own sense of self, who they thought they were.
People with a growth mindset understand that a mistake is simply an opportunity to learn, and that anything can be learned through hard work or study.
This allows them to overcome obstacles and challenges quicker.
32. Learn from your mistakes
Mistakes do not have to define you.
The happiest and most successful people in the world use mistakes to learn and get better.
33. Be honest with yourself
People lie to themselves a LOT.
Don’t like the way your partner treats you but you simply suppress it telling yourself it’s just your imagination? Well you are lying to yourself. It’s not your imagination. Don’t put up with it.
Failed your driving test? It’s not the instructor’s fault, it’s yours.
Don’t have any money left at the end of the month? It’s your responsibility to do something about it!
Be honest with yourself as much as you can and you will develop a great deal of self-respect for yourself.
34. Live your own life, not the life of others
Sometimes one of the hardest things to accept is friends or colleagues progressing faster in their lives than us.
They are being promoted at work, the first to be able to afford a house, fall in love and get married, have children, etc.
You have to walk your own path at your own pace.
Life happens FOR YOU, not to you.
35. Take responsibility for your own life and make it happen
Don’t drift through life. Don’t wait for the government, or your parents, or your boss to give you something.
Life doesn’t owe you anything. No-one owes you anything.
It’s up to YOU to make something of yourself and walk the path of life. No-one can do this for you.
The faster you take responsibility for your own life, the faster you will build self-respect and the more pride you will feel in your own self.
36. Make an effort with your physical appearance
I don’t know about you, but my physical appearance can positively or negatively influence my mood for the day.
If I know I look good, I certainly act with more confidence around others.
Like I’ve said over and over, it’s hard to have self-respect when you lack confidence.
And it’s not only your clothes or hygiene that counts towards your physical appearance, I’m not talking about model looks or a beach body either.
Physical appearance also includes your posture, your behaviour, your body language, your words and how you behave around people.
So take care of how you look, be clean and neat, have a good posture, and ensure you have good hygiene. When you meet someone, look them in the eye, give a firm handshake (where acceptable to still shake hands) and be polite and calm.
37. Treat others with respect
Not because they deserve it, but because you are a self-respecting person.
It might sound contradictory, but we inevitably do not respect people who behave disrespectfully.
When you treat others with disrespect, whether they deserve it or not, all that people will see is YOUR behaviour.
So treat other people with respect as it says more about your character, that it does the other person’s.
38. Learn to let things go
Obsessing about things that happened in the past makes you feel negative, angry, anxious, frustrated and stressed.
Learning to let go will help you feel more happiness, and more relaxed overall.
And yes, sometimes that means you have to make amends with someone you are angry with, even though it may be their fault.
Carrying anger around in you will only damage your own health, not the other person’s.
39. Learn to control your thoughts
The mind is like a border collie, it needs to work, or else it will cause an outrageous amount of trouble. Give your mind a job to do, or else it will find a job to do, and you might not like the job it invents. – Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert
Like your emotions, you need to also learn to control your thoughts.
Our thoughts can really make or break us.
You can’t have any self-respect if in your head you simply don’t believe you deserve it.
It all starts with what’s going on in your head.
Control your thoughts, and you can control every aspect of your life.
40. Become comfortable with constructive criticism
First of all, everyone has an opinion about everything, sometimes you just have to smile and ignore someone’s well-meaning but utterly insulting advice.
But at the same time, some advice is helpful, especially if you want to get ahead at work.
Become comfortable with receiving feedback about what you are doing wrong, right, and can improve upon. It’s not a rejection of you as a person, it’s simply guidance to become better.
41. Become comfortable in your own skin
I know way too many people who end up in relationships simply because they are looking for outside validation of who they are from another person.
Thinking back to when I was younger, some of my greatest yet short-lived infatuations were when someone made me feel good about something I had an insecurity about.
That led to some poor relationship choices.
When you rely on someone to make you feel better, you give that person an enormous amount of power over you. It’s an unbalanced relationship, and no real loving relationship can flow from such unbalance. In the end, the relationship will fizzle out and you will be left alone with your insecurities all over again.
It’s far better to instead spend the time and effort working on yourself, then seeking validation from others.
