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What are affirmations?

Affirmations are short statements designed to give us confidence, make us feel positive, motivate us, or simply remind ourselves we are going to be OK. As a rule of thumb, they should be short, to the point, positive, and address a fear or insecurity. Use “I” as in “I know” or “I believe” for example “I know that I deserve to be loved”. 

Affirmations are designed to balance out all those negative thoughts we have without wanting to or meaning to. 

Our minds can be chaotic and undisciplined, and will often jump to literally the worst possible scenario it can think of.  And if you allow yourself to indulge in that negativity, you will suddenly find that you now believe that awful negative thought. Affirmations are one of the easiest weapons to fight fear, self-doubt and negativity with.

Do affirmations work?

Yes, affirmations do work. They are powerful statements designed to remind us of all the positive and good things in our lives, to balance out all those negative thoughts we have. 

Louise Hay has a great article about The Power of Affirmations, and goes into how our negative thinking can be changed to positive thinking.

The Power of Affirmations

What are the benefits of Affirmations?

• Reminds me that life is not as awful as I think it is.
• Helps me build up positive thoughts.
• Helps build confidence and self-esteem.
• Pre-programs me to think in a different way.
• Helps me stay calm.
• Helps me get through tough times.
• Can stop an anxiety attack before it starts.
• Reminds me that I do not need to get upset or feel offended.
• Helps to build up good habits.
• Helps with physical health, like blood pressure.
• Fights negativity.
• Fights low self-esteem.
• Puts things into perspective. 
• Reduces stress.
• Makes you more calm.
• Makes you feel happier and more relaxed.
• Research from a team led by Carnegie Mellon University’s David Creswell found that people can boost their ability to solve problems under pressure by using self-affirmation.  

How many times should I say affirmations?

As many times as it takes.  

Some of my affirmations have taken almost a year. I often tweak the affirmation as time goes by, changing the words and making the sentence shorter. I will try “I know” versus “I believe” to see which feels better.  

Other affirmations on the other hand, took only a few weeks.

As long as you understand that everyone is different and therefore will experience it differently.

How do you practice positive affirmations?

The mind is like a muscle, and like any muscle you haven’t exercised for a while, at first there is some resistance and pain.  But if you keep at it, eventually the exercise becomes easier and the muscle performs better. Think of it like this. Every January when everyone is trying to lose weight, we all decide that running is the best way to lose a few pounds.  But boy, those first few times you have to get out of bed at silly-o-clock is hard, super hard. Then you have to actually LEAVE the house and RUN. My goodness! The first few minutes is filled with pain, your body is stiff, it’s protesting, your mind is calling you crazy and your muscles are calling you cruel, but you remind yourself why you are doing this and you persist. And every week it’s a little bit easier than the last week.

Well the mind is the same. At first, the mind resists, it doesn’t want to let go of the safety that familiar thoughts bring. It will refuse to accept this new reality of “positive thought”. Your mind will fight you but all you have to do is persist. Repetition is your friend. 

For the best success all your senses should get involved, your ears, eyes, fingers, memory:

• Repeat the same words over and over – let your ears hear them.
• Write them down on paper – let your fingers feel them.
• Type them on a computer
• Read them out loud to yourself in the mirror – ears and eyes are both involved.

You want those positive affirmations to really sink into your subconscious.  Don’t worry if you don’t believe them just yet, because your mind is so used to believing this other negative reality, that at first it feels fake, like you are lying to yourself, but eventually your mind will become familiar with the new words and they will start to make sense.

Now do this every day.   Set aside some time, even just 5 min will do, to repeat your positive affirmations to yourself. 

When I started I preferred to do this before going to bed, but these days I take a few moments on the train to work to close my eyes, relax my body, and remind myself of all the positive things in my life. I sometimes write down my affirmations in a notebook I carry everywhere with me, or I type it into the Day One app I have downloaded onto my phone (it’s a good app for diary/journal writing, and still free). 

Some affirmations, because of the strength of the underlying fear and insecurity, took over a year to take effect, others, only a few weeks.  

The more you do it, the more you train your mind to think a different way.  Until one day when you realise you no longer need that particular affirmation, as you are no longer afraid.

How do you build confidence?

I have written a lengthy article on how to “How to build self-confidence and self-esteem“. 

How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem & Become More POSITIVE

I also offer a free 7 day course “Learn how to How To Build Self-Confidence And Self-Esteem”.  It is completely free, and have lots of practical exercises for building confidence and self-esteem.

How do you speak positive affirmations?

To practice, or “speak” your positive affirmations, try any of the following until you find what works for you:

• Write them down in a notebook or journal.
• Write down your affirmations by using the Day One app. It’s a free diary app for Iphone and Android.
• Say them out loud in front of the mirror.
• Repeat your affirmations softly in your mind.
• Repeat your affirmations before going to bed.
• Set aside some time each day, where you spend 5-10min deliberately working on your affirmations, and pro-actively thinking positive thoughts. Book it in your calendar.

How do I make my affirmation more powerful?

Repetition will make your affirmations more powerful. To be clear, once you start believing the affirmation, that’s when it becomes extra powerful.

At first, when you start with a new affirmation, the words can often feel fake. But as you keep going your mind will start to believe the words you are repeating, and it will start to feel more real and believable.  Also, don’t hesitate to change the wording of an affirmation as time goes by, tweaking it until it’s in a language you find easier. We often give different weight to different words or phrases so simply using someone else’s affirmations verbatim won’t work. Use them as a starting point and change them to have your way of speaking.

How to create your own affirmations?

Fear is not real.
It doesn’t exist.
Like a ghost it is only an illusion.
It’s a conditioned response from your past and it is temporary.
Let it go.

First we must understand what it is that we need to fight, all those fears and insecurities that float around in the back of our minds, all that negativity that holds us back.  Fears are imaginary things that hold us back, they’re not real, but to overcome them, we must face them.

I want you to make a list of your top 5 fears that are holding you back!  Anything will do, small, big, medium fears, really it doesn’t matter. Some people like to go in the deep end and pick their 5  biggest fears, others like to start small, and even some other readers like to do a bit of both.

Take one of them and get some writing paper, and write a letter to yourself.  First, tell yourself that you love yourself, this is important. Always start with some kind words!

Now write down the fear, really go into detail, what you are afraid of and why you are afraid of it, and imagine a scenario where that fear has really come to pass, it has really happened. Write down the details of that imaginary scenario, imagine how you feel, what emotions you are experiencing, are people looking at you sideways, berating you, screaming at you, really give that fear the time of day and show it the light, bring it out into the open and examine it under a microscope. 

Now write down 5 reasons it will never happen, never could happen.  Remind yourself of the last time you also feared the worst, but then it didn’t happen and you ended up feeling foolish for expecting the worst, and all the energy you gave the negativity.  

Finally, create a new scenario with the best possible outcome, where your worst fear not only do NOT come true, but where instead, only good things happens to you.  Again, go into a lot of detail on this great outcome, feel free to use this moment to daydream about your best possible life, maybe winning the lottery, finding true love, growing wings and going to heaving, whatever works for you. As long as it’s a beautiful and amazing experience.

Write that all down on paper, put it in an envelope, seal the envelope, and put it in a drawer somewhere. Or shred it if you want.

Do the same for the other fears on your list.

Don’t worry if you find 5 are too much, even just one will do for today’s exercise. If you chose a particularly deep and scary fear, you might want to stop at just the one, leaving the others for another day.

The point of this exercise is for you to slow down and really examine your fears, so you can see how often the mind imagines the worst possible scenario with absolutely no evidence to support that face. 

Repeat this as often as you need to.  

I find that often there are things I didn’t think particularly bothered me, until suddenly it pops into the front of my mind and almost attacks me (there’s no better way to describe it). Then I have to stop and put my focus on this one thing that is now bothering me. By writing it all down, I examine it thoughtfully and methodically, I try to think of any scenarios where it might become real, then I imagine the best possible outcome, how I will feel, how happy I will be, how positive and confident I will feel. 

This creates a new reality for your mind, where it now has an alternative for those fears and bad thoughts, something you can fall back on whenever you really need it.

Here are some examples of affirmations to get you started

General Everyday Positive Affirmations

• I forgive myself for my own perceived faults and mistakes. I do not judge myself and I choose to treat myself with kindness and compassion.
• There is nothing wrong with my emotions. I accept them and I move on.
• I am not my thoughts. I let the bad thoughts go without dwelling on them.
• I give myself permission to do what is right for me. To take time for myself, and to put energy into things that matter to me.
• I put myself first. This does not mean I do not care about others, just that I care about myself first. 
• I am growing every day, I am learning about myself and I am becoming at peace in my own skin. And I am learning that I am pretty amazing.
• I trust my own judgement and intuition.  The voice inside me is wise and clever, and knows what is best for me.
• I love myself and I respect myself. This means saying NO to some people who don’t respect me.
• I am normal. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with how I think or see the world. I am a normal human being. I am perfect the way I am.
• I deserve the best that life can give me. I  deserve to have a good career, a loving partner, a healthy body and mind, and happy life.
• I respect myself. I  treat myself with respect, and I expect others to do the same.
• I am enough, just as I am. Enough to be loved. Enough to be respected. I am enough.
• I am at peace, from within and without. I am calm and I am happy.

Cheeky positive affirmations, for those who like to add some humour

• I am perfect just the way I am.
• I am not perfect, and I don’t care.  Why should I be?
• I rock my own life.
• Life treats me well and I treat myself well.
• I smile, and the world smiles with me.
• Progress is better than perfection.
• I am amazing in every way.
• Life is good.
• Perfection is for ROBOTS,I am HUMAN.
• Wonder Woman has entered the building.
• I put the sizzle in HUSTLE.
• Don’t tell me to be cool, I AM COOL.
• I (heart) me.

Positive Affirmations to build Confidence and Self-Esteem

Affirmations for Beginners

• I am not perfect, but neither is so and so.
• If my friends can do this, then I can at least give it a try.
• I do not know if I can do this, but I will try, and I will give it my best.
• I try new things, even when I’m unsure if I can succeed.  It allows me to learn and grow.
• Even when I fail, I remind myself it’s simply another opportunity to learn. 
• I have many great qualities, I should believe in myself more.
• My boss gives me extra projects because he/she believes I’m good at my job, so I should too.
• I will build on my strengths.

Affirmations for Intermediate Practitioners

• I’m not perfect, and I accept that about myself.
• If my friends can do this, then so can I.
• I believe in myself and give it my best.
• Without failure there can be no growth, so I am not afraid of failure anymore.
• I believe that I can do this. I believe in myself.
• I believe that I can do the job better than my team mates.
• I see the strengths in myself and I build on them.

Advanced Affirmations

• I am not perfect, and I don’t care.  Why should I be?
• I don’t need to compare myself to others anymore, I already know my strengths.
• I got this.
• Failure no longer bothers me, it’s just another opportunity to learn.
• Without failure I wouldn’t be such an expert today.
• I’m successful at everything I do.
• I’ve already proven I’m the girl for the job.
• I am great at my job.  Bring on the next project.
• I know I can do this.
• I am amazing.
• I know that I can do anything.
• I am successful in everything I do.  Fact.