Self-respect means setting boundaries and not putting up with anyone who disrespects you, takes you for granted, or ignores your boundaries.
A healthy relationship has mutual respect at its core. It is only when each party feels appreciated, valued, and worthy that they are able to give themselves to the relationship fully.
Regrettably, not every relationship is based on respect and you too could be tolerating disrespect if you don’t recognize the signs and take action.
Disrespectful behavior, however subtle, could lead to violence on the scales of sexual assault and domestic violence. Otherwise, disrespectful behavior is linked to negative emotions including self-doubt, fear, shame, confusion, anger, misery, and uncertainty.
You owe yourself the responsibility to never tolerate disrespect of whatever kind and I have prepared 10 tips to help you through this. First, though, let’s shed some light on how to understand disrespect and the impact of tolerating it in a relationship.
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The Impact of Tolerating Disrespectful Behavior
Signs of disrespect can take any shape from blatant acts of abuse to subtle demeaning and intimidating behavior and anything in between.
Obvious disrespect may include verbal abuse, physical abuse, and rude dismissal.
A person who uses abusive, demeaning, or insensitive language to talk to you or about you has little respect for you. Some, especially in an abusive relationship will go to a point of causing you physical harm or sexual assault.
When a partner refuses to listen to you, interrupts you from time to time, or rudely dismisses your views or opinions is also making it obvious that you or your feelings don’t matter as far as they are concerned.
Subtle disrespect is harder to pinpoint depending on how it is done and left to go on, will destroy you from the inside out.
Acts of this kind of disrespect include sarcasm, passive aggression, silent treatment, condescension, gaslighting, belittling habits, and poor communication.
How Disrespectful Behavior Looks like in a relationship
When you are on the receiving end of disrespectful behavior, your emotional and psychological health starts deteriorating.
This is especially so when the person dishing it is close to you such as a friend, parents, your child, or a romantic partner. People with authority at work can also cause a significant negative effect.
Below are ways in which tolerating disrespect impacts you
Wrecks Self-Confidence
When you tolerate disrespect, you start looking at yourself based on how others treat you. Now imagine someone constantly looking down on you and triggering self-doubt and all the negative emotions I mentioned earlier…
Notably, such emotions are completely normal in the right context, but what happens when you let them linger for too long? Won’t you start losing faith in your skill and abilities?
By this time, your self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall life satisfaction are already taking a hit.
Kickstarts Resentment
Resentment or contempt results from the inability to express feelings of anger or annoyance, especially when unfair treatment is involved. This can happen when a person repeatedly disrespects you.
Resentment can make it difficult for you to forgive others or develop positive emotions. This consequently affects your ability to form healthy relationships even in the future.
Hampers Communication And Collaboration
One of the pillars of a healthy relationship is an open line of communication. Where respect is applied, each partner feels heard and understood.
When a person’s feelings and needs are dismissed with disrespect, it becomes difficult to have healthy communication or even collaborate on anything.
Impairs Relationships With Family And Friends
If someone is triggering all the bad feelings in you and you don’t take action, all those pent-up emotions will eventually spill over somewhere.
More often than not, you will end up taking them out on those close to you even when you don’t mean to.
Have you ever snapped at someone only to realize that it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with an unrelated occurrence? That’s what I am talking about.
Diminishes Your Sense Of Purpose
The sense of purpose is what gives meaning to the things you do to achieve success in every aspect of your life. Abusive relationships are hardly the environment for that sense of purpose to thrive.
If anything, you are more likely to abandon responsibilities, lower your sense of self-worth, and neglect self-care.
Leads To More Disrespect
If you have been disrespected once and you are not taking action, what’s going to stop them from doing it again? What’s going to stop others from following suit?
Eventually, you get so used to being disrespected that it becomes a vicious cycle that you cannot disentangle yourself from.
10 Tips To Never Tolerate Disrespect In A Relationship
Are you tired of experiencing disrespect? Self-respect dictates that you face reality and do something about it sooner rather than later. Here are 10 tips to get you started.
1. Analyze The Situation
While there are people who are clearly wanting when it comes to giving respect, not every occasion of disrespect is intentional. For this reason, it is important to do some assessment before you conclude that the other person set out to just piss you off.
Is what they did to you a habit or a one-off thing? Could it have been an oversight or an innocent mistake on their end?
For example, someone who says something offensive about you or tells you a blatant lie might just have intended it.
This is opposed to the rare occasion when your partner arrived late for a date or raised their voice in the heat of a bad argument.
Sometimes still, you can overreact to a situation based on similar past experiences. A partner who expresses a contrary opinion to yours might just trigger the same emotions that an ex who belittle your feelings and opinions did without meaning to.
2. Acknowledge Disrespect
It is a common habit to tolerate disrespect by pretending that it is not a big deal or excusing it for whatever reason.
This does not make it go away, instead, it grows like a virus and will soon be too difficult to handle. Being aware that you are being disrespected is the first step to dealing with it and nipping it in the bud.
3. Take Responsibility
First of all, nobody should blame you for their lack of respect for you. That being clear, it is worth noting that you could have some part in what may appear to you as disrespect.
In the case when boundaries are crossed in a relationship, it is your responsibility to ensure that such boundaries were set beforehand and communicated clearly.
If this was not the case, you will still feel bad, violated, and disrespected but you would probably be getting angry at someone who never knew that such a boundary existed.
4. Take A Moment Before Reacting
What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when someone does something disrespectful to you? Return the fire? Give them a piece of your mind? If you took a moment to think or even count to ten before reacting, you may probably change your mind and handle the situation better.
Here’s one of the reasons why: Some people just have an annoying character and would probably make you feel worse when you react to their disrespect in anger.
Narcissists are a good example; they like to exert control on you and will even thrive in your misery. When they catch you off guard, these kinds of people use manipulative power plays that may end up making you feel like the offender rather than offended.
That said, you have the right to stand up for yourself in the face of being disrespected but taking a moment to calm down doesn’t make you a coward.
5. Talk About It Clearly
Have you already established that the act was indeed disrespectful? Having a healthy conversation about it helps especially when it concerns someone you want to sort out things with, a partner in a relationship that you value, or a person you are sure would want the same thing.
While at it, ensure that you call the disrespectful behavior as it is using direct but polite language, explain why it made you feel as it did, and also give the other person a chance to explain themselves.
6. Know When To Cut Some Slack
The nature of disrespect or even how the person behaves afterward can give you an idea of how to proceed. Someone who refuses to acknowledge disrespecting you will probably do it again and expect to get away with it.
On the other hand, it is possible that a person who takes responsibility for their action and apologizes for it did not set out to intentionally hurt you. With the latter, you can fix things, find some middle ground, and move on.
7. Establish Boundaries
Boundaries help to develop mutual respect, mutual trust, and well-being in personal relationships. Where someone keeps disrespecting you, boundaries can help them know how far is too far with you. You are sending a message that you matter and your needs are equally important.
For them to be effective, boundaries need to be clearly communicated and backed up with clear consequences for violation.
A good example, “If you keep interrupting me whenever we are talking, I won’t be able to continue with that particular conversation”.
8. Know When To Walk Away
Sometimes, no matter how many times you fix things, no matter how many boundaries you set, you still get disrespected. This is not your fault and you shouldn’t have to tolerate it for the sake of saving a relationship that is clearly not working for you. I didn’t say it is easy but the best thing you can do in such circumstances is to walk away.
Far from a romantic relationship, you can also train yourself to walk away from disrespectful situations with family, friends, and even workmates- you don’t have to attend the same events or sit at the same table with that aunt who is always criticizing your choices.
9. Surprise Them With Kindness
The quickest way to blow a disrespectful situation out of proportion is to match the disrespect. What if you respond with kindness and positivity instead? As hard as it is to be kind to someone who is rude, you are the better person here because you are trying to diffuse the situation.
In the best-case scenario, they will relax, calm down, and match your behavior. Worst case scenario, they won’t.
Here’s the best part though, either way, you held your cool and kept yourself from stooping to their level of rudeness- give yourself a pat on the back!
10. Don’t Try to Fix Them
One of the reasons why people addicted to toxic relationships are continually making excuses for staying is because of the need to fix the other person. You think that if you put in the work and are there for them, a partner who repeatedly abuses or disrespects you will eventually see your effort and change.
If there are some underlying issues behind their habits, the best you can do is point them somewhere where they can get help, a therapist maybe. Further, they shouldn’t make you feel like you have a responsibility to tolerate their behaviors even as they seek help.
Conclusion
Disrespectful behaviors can destroy any kind of relationship and dealing with them the soonest possible is just the way to go.
By choosing to never tolerate disrespect, you will both gain your emotional freedom and set yourself up for healthy relationships.
Depending on your unique situation, certain strategies and tips above will work better than others. Luckily for you, I have featured enough to cut across varied scenarios.
