12 tips to help you survive after a breakup and bounce back good as new.
They said time is a healer and it actually is. Nevertheless, post-breakup time can easily take a turn for the worse and feel nothing like a healing process.
When reeling through a bad cycle of anger, feelings of betrayal, memories of the failed relationship, and lethargy, clinging to hope that things will get better with time might not be the first thing that comes to your mind.
On the contrary, you may start dealing with lost appetite or binge eating, uncontrollable emotions, neglected self-care, and obsession with your ex among other manifestations of heartbreak.
A quote in Wendy Wunder’s book, The Probability of Miracles, describes a broken heart as “…less than a cracking down the middle and more like she had swallowed it whole and it sat bruised and bleeding in the pit of her stomach”.
The bottom line? Breakups are tough and there’s no way to sugarcoat this!
On the brighter side, with a little effort on your end and some strategies on how to bounce back from a breakup, you can start the recovery process.
The following tips can get you moving forward sooner than you think.
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1- Enhance self-care
Due to the intense stress and confusion that usually ensues post-breakup, self-care is among the first things to take a nosedive.
According to research published by the US National Library of Medicine, a breakup escalates psychological distress and negatively impacts life satisfaction. This can trigger bad eating habits, poor sleep patterns, excessive drinking, and even poor hygiene.
Make up your mind to take care of your body and mental health before these habits take a toll on you. Research shows that sleeping for about 7-8 hours daily can significantly reduce stress. In addition, reducing your intake of alcohol and caffeine prior to bedtime helps you sleep more soundly.
Combine this with meals laden with mood-boosting foods such as fruits, vegetables, sour foods, nuts, fish, and whole grains rather than resorting to junk food. You will start feeling calmer and better equipped to chart the way forward.
2- Sail through the emotions
Breaking up isn’t easy and healing a broken heart is easier said than done. That said, expecting to bounce back from losing someone you considered a friend, lover, and possibly a lifetime partner as if nothing happened would be subjecting yourself to undue pressure.
Allow yourself to feel the anger, disappointment, and hurt. Let your heart bleed and don’t withhold your tears. There’s no time limit on how long you should mourn a broken heart; only don’t dwell on it so much that you start draining your self-worth.
3- Sweat it out
Exercise promotes your mental health by helping your body release the feel-good hormones. This improves your mood and keeps your mind from worrying.
According to WebMD, it gets even better if you can get outside and break a sweat when interacting with nature because the outdoors are better at stimulating your senses than the indoors.
Adopting an outdoor workout routine alongside other efforts to get over a breakup will both uplift your self-esteem and make you feel happier, less stressed, and more energized.
4- Quiet self-doubt
If you are constantly occupied with the ‘what ifs’ and the mistakes of the failed relationship either because you are blaming yourself, being accused of what went wrong, or discovering some failures on your end, it is possible to end up in self-doubt.
Self-doubt can be detrimental in your efforts to bounce back as you might start losing confidence in your decisions to move on and engage in another relationship.
The first step towards quietening self-doubt post-breakup is to accept the reality of what has happened. You can then learn from your mistakes, and look forward to doing better.
5- Spend time with friends and family
A broken heart can make you feel like you just want to curl into a ball and wallow in self-pity. Instead, you should surround yourself with loved ones. While at it, steer clear of negative people or those likely to burden you with their own issues.
You want friends and family that will pamper you, engage you in fun activities, take you out for a change of scenery, and probably even give you a reason to doll up for an event.
Simply put, you need a loving environment to speed up the healing process while getting a constant reminder that life is still happening.
6- Don’t stay friends during the healing process
It is possible to be friends with your ex especially if there are other aspects of your relationship that are non-romantic such as work, business, mutual friends, and kids.
However, it takes time and effort for the relationship to transition from romantic to platonic. This is the reason why you need time to focus on the recovery process first.
As Kathleen Dahlen deVos, a psychotherapist in San Fransisco puts it, you need to work on the “…lingering feelings of hurt, anger or other complicated emotions” that follow a breakup on your own and away from your ex.
During this time, work towards a place where you no longer feel romantically attached to your ex and are even okay with them dating someone else. You can then explore the likelihood of a friendship.
Trying a post-breakup friendship before you get over a breakup or with the hope of reconciliation can lead to further emotional pain, jealousy, and inability to move on.
7- Focus on being your own good company
While keeping the company of loved ones is a great way to deal with the breakup, being in your own good company will help you to re-energize, combat depression, and reinvent yourself.
Focus on having some quality alone time rather than self-imposed time to wallow. This only works if you occupy your time with activities that make you feel good about yourself.
Even better, you can use this time to rediscover all those things that you set aside to focus on your relationship just to remind yourself who you are away from being somebody’s partner.
Go ahead and curl up on the couch with a furry friend, order that Chinese takeout that your ex never got to like, and by all means, go back to that childhood hobby that everyone thinks is silly; the key here is to regain your identity and feel good about it.
8- Pick up a new hobby
Do you now have newfound time in your hands that you don’t know what to do with now that you are not in a relationship? Instead of obsessing over your ex, why not try a new hobby?
Hobbies are not just good distractions but also, as the Society of Behavioral Medicine puts it, great ways to boost your general health and well-being.
The study further expounds that hobbies are associated with improved mood, lower stress, and reduced heart rate. Who wouldn’t want this combination after a tough breakup?
Is it a cooking class, new language class, hiking adventure, or painting class? Get lost in whatever appeals to you most!
9- Don’t ‘stalk’ your ex on social media
Did you know that the urge to compare your life with that of your ex after a breakup is perfectly natural? And what is a better way to do it than checking out their social media activity? It is not like you are calling them or driving by their house, right?
Except, giving in to this urge can easily turn into obsessive stalking. Research shows keeping tabs on a partner from a past relationship can be detrimental to efforts to bounce back.
A study involving 464 participants concluded that Facebook surveillance of former romantic partners “was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth”
10- Get rid of reminders of your ex
You might want to hold onto reminders of your ex, especially if you have a hard time dealing with the reality of the breakup.
However, keepsakes, photographs, or gifts that remind you of your ex will only serve as triggers for your experiences together and further emphasize what you have lost. This makes it harder for you to move on.
You don’t have to necessarily destroy or throw away these items; you can keep them out of your way until you have gotten over the breakup to decide what to do with them.
11- Seek help
Breakups are harder on some people than others. While pouring your heart to a trusted loved one can help you get through the post-breakup period, sometimes it doesn’t.
If you are particularly having a hard time moving forward even after you talk with a loved one, there’s no shame in seeking help from a support group, forums, a relationship coach, or a therapist.
You can access help in person or online; it all comes down to preference and how comfortable and easy it is to access the help. You can also choose to work with referrals from family and friends or do your own search.
12- Start dating when you are ready
We are back to where we began; time. With time and effort, you will feel less and less affected by the bad breakup and your ex in terms of memories, fantasies, actions, and encounters. You are also recovering from the intense emotions that resulted from how the two of you ended things.
When this is happening, and you are feeling normal, single, and ready to mingle. Do not be afraid of putting yourself out there again, meeting new people, and seeing ‘who’ else life has to offer.
Conclusion
There is a big difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and sometimes, it takes a bad breakup for people to realize that they were in toxic relationships all along.
Breakups have a serious impact on everyone; young people, the old folks, and everyone in between. The fact that life still goes on even after the break is a good reason to pick yourself up, allow your heart to heal, and look forward to loving again.
Notably, the process can be characterized by pain and emotional turmoil weeks afterward but in the end, it is worth the determination.
The above tips have worked for others and they can definitely work for you too.
