21 habits and traits of truly confident people, and 5 things highly confident people never do.
When we meet confident people, it’s easy to look at them and assume they were born that way, or that they don’t feel any fear.
But the truth is, confidence isn’t the absence of fear, and it isn’t something you were born with just because you are pretty or intelligent or have rich parents.
No, confidence is the belief that you will be OK, no matter what happens.
Confident people understand that that fear and uncertainty, while uncomfortable, is only temporary, and that the trick is to keep going instead of letting it paralyze you.
They have also realized that when they push through that fear and uncertainty, the emotional and personal growth they experience as a result increases their confidence little by little.
While you and I might look at truly confident people with awe, the reality is they started out like everyone else, but over many years their achievements and their ability to overcome obstacles helped to build their confidence, layer upon layer.
Highly confident people have created habits that help them in this. They actively seek out challenges to push their comfort zone, knowing that they will grow from it.
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Why Is Confidence Important?
In order to achieve anything, you first have to believe it is possible, and you have to believe it’s possible for YOU to achieve it.
It requires a sense of self-belief that comes with confidence and self-esteem.
Read more about the importance of self-confidence here.
What Causes Lack Of Confidence?
The causes for lacking confidence are complex.
But it is essential to understand that confidence is not something you are magically born with, it is a skill or trait you acquire over years of experience overcoming obstacles and achieving goals.
How Do You Build Confidence?
Check out my article for 90 practical tips to build self-confidence.
5 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do
- They don’t blame others or make excuses
- They don’t get involved in drama
- They don’t seek reassurance from outside sources
- They don’t let fear stop them
- They don’t obsess over every mistake they made
21 Habits Of Highly Confident People
1. Truly confident people don’t allow fear to paralyze them, they accept it
We all feel fear. It’s completely natural and useful for survival. But in today’s modern world, where there are no tigers or wolves to worry about, fear is mostly a by-product of uncertainty.
We fear that we will get it wrong, or be rejected, or that people will laugh at us.
Confident people do not let that stop them. They know that avoiding fear suffocates personal growth and creates unnecessary anxiety.
2. Confident people take responsibility for their own lives
Truly confident people have learned that the only way to improve their lives, and to change things for the better, is to actively take control of their lives and make things happen.
They don’t wait for someone else to do this for them, they take chances and risks, ask for opportunities, and generally put themselves out there even if there is a risk of rejection.
In other words, they don’t wait for permission to act.
3. Confident people communicate clearly and assertively
People who lack confidence tend to speak vaguely in case they hurt someone’s feelings.
On the other hand, confident people make it clear with their words and their actions what is going on, where you stand with them, and what they plan or desire.
They speak assertively without being rude or aggressive.
4. Confident people say no
Learning how to say no is an art, and quite often, no matter how careful you are, someone will get upset.
But truly confident people understand that if they say yes to everything and everyone, they are not being true to themselves and their own goals.
People who say yes to everything end up being doormats for others, this makes them resentful, tired and stressed, and anxious. And at some point they lose their temper and lash out at others.
5. Confident people put their own needs first
People who put their own needs first, feel more healthy and happy.
This means they have more energy to spend on the “right” things in life, including being there for those that they really love and treasure.
6. Confident people decide what they want, create a plan then work towards that goal, even if it takes years
Confident people have learned resilience, and how to keep going when the going gets tough.
Whether that is setting up a business, buying a house or working towards a promotion, confident people set goals and they accept that it won’t be easy or quick to achieve their goals. But whatever happens, they do not give up.
7. Confident people trust themselves
One of the things confident people have learned is how to trust their own gut instinct.
They listen to that voice inside that tells them they are not comfortable with a situation, or that something feels bad, and then they take action to remediate the situation.
In my opinion, learning to trust yourself is how you build true confidence.
8. They also trust other people
Confident people understand that they cannot do everything themselves. They have to trust other people to also get things done.
When you show trust to someone, they generally will rise to meet your high expectations.
Too often we want to dictate how something should be done, or we think only we can do it well. But everyone has their own way of doing things, and when you trust someone and let them get one with things, together you can achieve great things.
9. They forgive themselves and move past their mistakes
Truly confident people don’t waste time on chastising themselves for their mistakes.
They understand that we all make mistakes, and that a mistake is simply an opportunity to learn how to do something better.
Learn more about how failure leads to success.
10. They don’t spend their energy judging others
People who lack confidence and self-worth are always comparing themselves with others. The jealousy they feel when they think a peer is doing better than them, or achieving more in life, causes them to pass judgement on other people.
But confident people are too busy building their own dream lives to worry about what other people are doing. They don’t bother comparing themselves with their peers and they don’t feel jealousy when others seem to be progressing further and faster in life, because confident people know that each of us have to walk our own path and create our own future.
Spend your energy where it matters, building a great life for yourself.
11. They are not afraid to listen more than they speak
Confident people know that one of the best ways to learn more about a subject, or understand someone better, is to listen more.
You learn nothing by speaking, you learn everything by listening.
12. They ask for help and accept advice
People who lack confidence are too scared to admit that they don’t know something, and think that other people will lose respect for them if they admit they don’t have the answer.
Confident people know that they don’t have all the answers, no-one does, and they are not afraid to admit this.
They understand that part of learning and growing is to ask for help when you are struggling and to accept advice from other people who have already gone through what they have, and have learned from the experience.
Truly confident people know that admitting you need help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
13. They are not threatened by the success of their peers
Confident people are happy when their peers become successful, they are not threatened or feel the need to pass judgment, gossip or bring others down.
Because confident people are walking their own path, achieving the goals they set for themselves at their own pace.
14. They ask for, and take advantage of opportunities
People who do not feel confident always have an excuse for why they are not seeing as much success in life as others. And often it’s that they weren’t given the same opportunities as someone else.
The truth is, opportunities are all around us, and confident people take advantage of those opportunities, not because they think they will do great at it, but because they know it’s a great stepping stone to something else. Their confidence comes not from their ability to complete a task, but their belief that they have the mental resilience to learn as they go, in order to complete the task.
Confident people also create opportunities, whether that means setting up a business, or asking for a promotion at work, they make it happen instead of waiting around for someone to offer it to them.
15. They don’t procrastinate, they take action
Confident people create actionable plans in order to achieve their long term goals. They don’t put it off until next week until they feel less rushed, they don’t wait for the right moment.
They simply make a plan and then execute their plan in spite of the hurdles in front of them.
Then they keep going no matter how long it takes, or how lonely the journey feels.
16. They don’t wait for permission to act
Highly confident people act. They don’t wait to be told what to do, how to do it and when to do it.
If they see a problem or an opportunity, they take charge and they act.
17. They accept that conflict is sometimes necessary
Not all conflict is bad. It’s OK to disagree sometimes. What is not OK is yelling and screaming and acting like a 5year old.
Healthy discussion is how progress is made and trusting relationships are formed.
People who lack self-esteem and confidence avoid conflict as they often believe that all conflict will lead to them being rejected by their social group, or that they will be judged in some way.
Confidence people understand there is healthy and unhealthy conflict, healthy conflict is when you discuss something calmly, and can disagree with someone even though you respect someone’s position or argument.
But confident people avoid unhealthy conflict, which is often just negative drama, the sort you will find on a reality show. Anything involving recriminations, judgement, gossip and screaming and yelling is unhealthy and will drain you of your energy.
confident people
18. They don’t change their behaviour to please other people
Confident people don’t need reassurance from others, and they don’t seek attention or praise from external sources in order to feel good.
They have learned to believe in themselves and their own abilities. They understand that happiness comes from within.
Confident people with a strong sense of self-esteem don’t get pulled into obsessing over what other people think of them, or the opinions of people who don’t matter, especially random strangers on social media.
19. They have healthy and beneficial routines
Confident people know that they can’t perform at their best if they feel unhealthy, stressed, anxious, hungover or hungry.
Too many people think skipping a meal is a good idea, when the reality is your brain cannot perform at its peak capacity when you don’t fuel it.
The same for alcohol. While a few drinks with friends can help you relax and enjoy life, too much will negatively impact your ability to make a great presentation to your boss the next day.
In order to achieve your goals and build a great life, you need to stop making excuses and build a lifestyle.
Confident people create habits and lifestyles that ensure they have the energy and time to devote to those things and people that matter most.
20. They have positive self-talk
Confident people have tamed the voice inside their heads, if not completely, then at least for the most part.
That ugly voice that says you are not good enough, that you are fat and ugly and stupid, that people are laughing at you behind your back, that voice is mean and relentless and will crush your self-worth, self-esteem and confidence if you let it.
Learning how to tame the voice and have more positive self-talk is crucial if you want to become more confident.
21. Confident people don’t make excuses
Confident people don’t blame others for their mistakes. They have learned that ultimately the buck stops with them.
Blaming others achieves nothing except to create unhealthy conflict that is a waste of time and energy.
Confident people also don’t blame their tools, or their lack of resources, or not having the same opportunities as someone else.
In the end, they know that only they can affect change in their own lives and that no matter where or when they were born, rich or poor, we all have to walk our own path in the end.
Life is what you make it, good or bad. If you want to make it good, then it’s up to you to make that happen.
