If you are wondering…Should I give him a chance? Giving someone a chance doesn’t mean you are making a commitment, you are simply trying something out. As long as you set healthy boundaries you have very little to lose.
Giving someone a chance simply means that you are giving him a go, an opportunity, or time before dismissing them or making a final decision.
Now, whether this is the first, second, or nth time you are giving this chance in a relationship matters.
It can significantly determine whether you end up in a toxic or healthy relationship and also impact your ability to form relationships in the future.
Let me get more specific…
So you met this cool guy and have been seeing him for two weeks or longer and you are wondering if you should get more serious with him, that is the first chance.
Another scenario would be a partner you are in a relationship with and something happens- an argument, a behavior you didn’t expect, or some truth you didn’t know about.
You probably even broke up with him- and you are now at crossroads on whether you should give him a second chance.
Lastly, you have already given the first, second, and countless other chances and you are still not decided on whether to still give another chance or walk away.
Regardless of the category in which you fall, the final decision lies in your hands. Nevertheless, the information is power!
I have prepared enough information to help you make an informed decision on when to give the first chance as well as when a second chance is sensible. That’s not all, I have highlighted situations when giving someone many chances don’t make much of a difference.
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10 Signs You Should Give Him A Chance
There’s no formula for landing the perfect guy. Even when the right one comes along, both of you still need to put in the work to make your relationship thrive.
That said, there are habits and traits that will notch up your hope for a great relationship and others that will squash it faster than you can say Jack Robinson.
Here are 10 traits of a guy worth taking a chance on
1. What is Happening in Your Life Matters to Him
Someone who remembers and cares about what is happening in your life is interested in you as a person and not just in how you look or what you give.
He will call you just to know how your day was and follow up on the progress you are making on the new side hustle you started.
He is likely to keep this up for the long haul and believe me, you want that kind of a man in your corner.
2. He is an Active Listener
Active listening is more than him being physically present and giving an occasional nod here and there. It is about hearing what you are saying, responding in a way that makes you feel heard, and remembering what you talked about later.
Does he listen attentively or is he only interested in the part where you decide whether you are going to his place or yours? Real conversations are key in forming lasting relationships and it is paramount to establish that from the word go.
3. He Makes You Feel Good About Yourself
Dating someone who puts you down does not inspire the slightest self-esteem. If anything, the intention is to make you feel worthless, insignificant, and like you are always under the pressure to gain his approval.
You deserve someone who treats you with the same affection whether you are dolled up for a date or lazing away on a Saturday morning in your t-shirt and jeans.
If this guy takes you as a package and makes you want to be yourself at all times, you might just be giving both of you an opportunity for happiness.
4. He is a Gentleman
What comes to your mind when you hear the word gentleman? Pulling chairs, always greeting you with a fresh bouquet of flowers, opening the car door? That’s all great but it is possible for a man to do all that and still treat you like crap in other ways.
I am talking about someone who treats you with respect, kindness, and genuine concern for your happiness. A guy who goes out of his way to make you feel comfortable.
5. He Wants you to Meet his Friends and Family
Wanting you to meet his close friends and family is a big deal in a man’s life. Most guys will not bring a fling to family gatherings.
If he initiates it- sometimes even with a little push from loved ones, – one thing is clear; he is serious about the relationship and is already seeing a future with you.
6. Your Thoughts and Ideas Matter to Him
A romantic partner aside, anyone who values your thoughts and ideas shows respect for you. This boosts your sense of self-worth and encourages you to express yourself more.
It is also a big plus if he’s asking for your advice about things concerning his own life. While you don’t want him to open up too much too early, if your opinion matters to him, maybe he is worth taking a chance on.
7. He Goes out of His Way to Impress you
When a guy is into you, he cares about what you think of him. He will try to present the best of himself to you if that means tidying up a little, dressing up for a date, or grooming himself to look neater.
Don’t confuse this with pretense though; I’m talking about a guy who is just excited to impress.
Think of the way you try on 10 dresses before deciding to wear dress number two and the lipstick you have never worn before just because you want to dazzle the new guy in your life- make sense?
8. His Goals and yours Align
Before you get deeper into a relationship, you want to be sure that your goals concerning career, family life, finances, health, relationship, and life, in general, align. This helps the two of you to move in harmony and help each other attain success.
For example, when one of you wants to start a family while the other won’t even consider it, this can be a deal-breaker.
If you find a partner who wants more or less the same things you want, nothing should stop you from giving it a shot.
9. You are a Priority in His Plans
Is he already slotting you in his plans? Then you are more important to him than you know.
Is he making plans with you, sticking to them, and showing up on time? Who doesn’t want such a man by their side?
10. He Stays in Contact with You
He calls and texts you. Not because he needs to inform you of something but also because he is checking on you or because he just misses hearing your voice.
When you need to talk to him, you know he is just a phone call or a text away and if you don’t reach him for whatever reason you know he’ll call back.
Otherwise, he makes the time to be there physically- hit the ground running with this guy already!
When to Give Him a Second Chance
All people deserve a second chance…so the saying goes and I agree, to some extent.
In a relationship, there are times when giving someone another chance ends up being one of the best decisions you have made. After all, which one of us is without mistakes?
Other times though, the best thing you can do is save yourself time and energy and just walk away.
We will look into such circumstances right after exploring situations when giving another chance makes sense.
You Both Want to Fix Things
A relationship takes work to flourish and some of this time and energy will be spent settling disagreements and working on yourselves in order to accommodate each other.
This is perfectly normal in a healthy relationship. It is not about the number of fallouts that matters but the ability to focus on the big picture and always find a way back to each other.
A relationship can heal after a fight as long as both of you are willing to fix things. If this is the case, then another chance is a good idea.
There’s a Solution in Sight
Some relationship issues can be solved through open and honest conversations.
If you manage to come up with a workable solution, agreeable to both of you, then you shouldn’t give up on the relationship without a fight.
The Fallout was Influenced by something He is Going Through
Research shows that men are more reluctant to open up or share issues that threaten their mental health. They are also more likely to resort to harmful coping tactics including drug and alcohol abuse.
Could your partner be going through something that has made him unable to relate with you well? This is no excuse for bad behavior. Still, if he is willing to get the necessary help, you can cut him some slack and let your relationship live to fight another day
He Genuinely Doesn’t Want to lose you
Unless you were in a relationship with a scoundrel all along, a man who feels real love for you will know and admit when he has hurt you. He will genuinely apologize and want you back.
He might have had to face the real possibility of losing you to bring him to his senses but that doesn’t mean he has to lose you. If you want the same thing, why not give it another go.
You Realize your Part after Self-Reflection
Sometimes, you might require a little self-reflection to realize your role in a fight. While nobody should blame you for hurting you, a relationship takes two to either build or destroy.
Did you probably overreact or misinterpret his intentions? If boundaries have been crossed, have you communicated them clearly?
If there’s a chance that you could have prevented the situation from escalating, you might want to hit the pause button before calling it quits.
When Giving Him More Chances Doesn’t Help
Mistakes are part of us and we make many even in relationships. Second chances are an opportunity for us to learn and avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Unfortunately, we sometimes end up with partners who don’t have much regard for second chances or more chances for that matter.
With a little help, only you can decide when you have reached a turning point. I have pointed out instances where you should stop giving second chances because they may not be of any benefit.
It is an Abusive Relationship
An abusive or toxic relationship is characterized by all forms of abuse including verbal, physical, emotional, and psychological.
Giving him second chances every time he abuses does you no good. If anything, it creates an abusive cycle that only increases your chances of getting addicted to toxic relationships.
You are Afraid of Moving On
When you don’t want to start all over again with someone else, staying and hoping that a partner will change might look like a hassle-free option.
I hate to burst your bubble but if that’s the only reason you are dishing out more and more chances, there’s no solution in sight for you.
He Shies from Commitment
So it’s been how long? Several months, a year, two? And how many chances have you given him to see if he turns out to be the one? Yet, you end up feeling hurt and used.
A guy who makes no commitment to you isn’t interested in anything serious with you, period!
You Keep Giving Without Getting Much
Relationships are about giving and receiving so that both parties feel equally important.
When you are always the one creating time, giving up plans, reaching out, apologizing, etc, he is more likely to want more than give anything.
You don’t Feel Like you Deserve Better
You feel lucky to have him even though you see all the red flags that he disrespects you in every possible way and he knows it.
Tell me, how many chances it’s going to take your partner to realize your true worth and change his behavior? Chances are that he won’t.
Conclusion
You never truly experience what life throws in your basket unless you take the chance. If this chance is in the form of a guy that exudes the best vibes and gives you a good gut feeling in all the ways I outlined earlier, why not go for it?
Being given another chance is an honor that should be treated with respect, guarded even. Most people will take it and run with it and you shouldn’t withhold it when you feel like someone should get it.
When the same kindness is extended to a person who doesn’t follow through on a single promise or one who cannot compromise in any way, then there’s a chance of wasting so much time on a relationship that is clearly not working.
So should you give him a chance? The above info gives you all the help you need to make that decision.
