Learn why the no contact rule is so important, how to do it, and the benefits to your mental health.
A breakup after a long-term relationship can leave you shocked, confused, and devastated. You probably didn’t even see the breakup coming, and if anything, you are desperate for answers.
The thought of life without your ex can scare the life out of you and given a chance, you will likely do anything to get back with them. At this point, gravitating towards salvaging the relationship seems easier than trying to move forward. And the temptation to initiate contact with your ex seems like the best course of action.
Unfortunately, research done to assess the impact of a breakup on mental health and well-being associates contact with an ex with more psychological distress, sadness, and reduced life satisfaction.
This puts the no-contact rule among the best strategies to help you bounce back from a breakup.
When done right, the no contact period provides you with an opportunity to not only deal with the aftermath of a breakup but also work on yourself and plan for the future, even if that future may involve the two of you getting back together.
Alongside 10 benefits of no contact after a long-term relationship, here’s everything you need to know about no contact.
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What Is No-Contact?
In the case of a breakup, no contact means that you don’t contact an ex physically or through texting, phone calls, or email. The unwritten no-contact rule extends to avoiding the urge to stalk them on social media, ask family and mutual friends about them, or intentionally visit places where you are likely to bump into them.
The length of no-contact can vary from one person to another depending on how long it takes for you to heal and your ex to become a “non-issue” in your life.
For the no contact rule to work, you need to engage in activities and habits that make it easier rather than harder for you to live your life away from your ex including hobbies, self-care, reconnecting with old friends, relaxation activities, and physical activity.
What You Need To Know About No-Contact After A Breakup
No Contact Period Is Easier Said Than Done
Nobody expects you to have an easy time enforcing the no contact rule. This is detaching yourself from someone you have spent a good amount of time with, made many memories together, and maybe even lived with.
Since Researchers describe romantic love as a behavioral addiction, cutting ties with a former romantic partner is literally weaning yourself off the ‘addiction’ cold turkey and starting a recovery process. This will bring about a bunch of withdrawal signs and symptoms such as lethargy, loss of appetite, insomnia, and irritability among others.
You will feel sad and truth be told, no contact will be the last thing on your mind. You may even need a nudge from someone who understands what you are going through just to make it to the end. The good news is that it is doable and it gets easier with time.
No Contact After A Long-Term Relationship Works
As unpleasant as it feels at first, no contact works in more than one way. The strategy especially works if you are the one who has been dumped. The one who dumps will probably have had time to process the decision and make peace with it before dropping the bombshell.
No contact rule helps you resist the urge to beg your ex or bargain with them in reaction to the breakup. You can then focus on yourself and your well-being and make future decisions without your ex’s influence.
No Contact Rule Doesn’t Particularly Help Get Your Ex Back
Sometimes, no contact can trigger a “fear of loss” in an ex and cause them to reflect on and reconsider their decision. If this is what you really want, then this is your chance to fix things. Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that this will actually happen.
That said, you should avoid building false hope of reconciliation and go through a period of no contact with an open mind.
It is also worth noting that in instances where exes end up together, other strategies such as self-improvement, time apart, and relationship counseling come into play to get a relationship back and running.
No Contact May Not Be So Strict In Certain Instances
There are circumstances where a strict no-contact rule may not apply. These include cases when you have a child or children together, live together, or work with your ex. In such instances, you can apply the no contact rule in issues related to your relationship and keep your contact strictly about your common interest.
To make the no contact rule work, set boundaries for when they should contact you and about what. Also, if your ex behaves in a way that can affect your common interest, say a job or a child, just to mess with you, don’t hesitate to take appropriate action.
10 Benefits Of No Contact After A Long-Term Relationship
No contact is mostly about you and hardly about the other person. It is taking time off the drama and noise of a breakup and creating an environment where you can focus on yourself and everything else that matters. It is in this atmosphere that you can reap all the benefits of shutting your ex out including:
1. Time To Process Your Emotions
When a romantic relationship ends, it messes up your emotions big time. You will experience a mixup of feelings triggered by the loss of the romantic connection, love for your ex, betrayal, and the memories you shared among other aspects of the lost relationship.
As I mentioned earlier, staying in contact with your ex or checking their social media updates will only make your emotional turmoil worse. By yourself, and without the influence of your ex, you can sail through the emotions, gain a better perspective of your feelings and plan ahead.
2. The Basis Of The Healing Process
Just like with the death of a loved one, the loss of a romantic partner takes you through the five stages of grief including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They are all paramount for the healing process.
Contact with an ex at any of these stages and especially at the bargaining level may compel you to make emotionally influenced decisions. This is also the stage where you are likely to bargain and settle for friendship with your ex before you have healed enough to make the transition.
3. Major Step Towards Moving Forward
Moving forward after a relationship ends requires you to first face the reality of the breakup and be okay by yourself before you can think of future relationships. If there is nothing good in you then there’s not much of you to offer the next person that comes into your life, right?
Not contacting your former partner is a step into the new chapter of your life and a chance for you to forge new memories that are not dependent on or influenced by your ex.
Consequently, the more you get used to life without your ex, the easier it becomes for you to bounce back and move on.
4. Time To Rediscover Yourself
A relationship involves commitment, compromise, and sacrifice. In the course of a relationship, it is common for certain aspects of your life to be suppressed because life becomes not just about you but also about your partner.
No contact is a great time to return to a place where it is all about you. You can practice some self-love, do things that make you happy, and rediscover who you are away from the relationship.
This will serve as a good reminder that though love life with your ex was good, there’s so much more about your life that has nothing to do with someone else.
5. Opportunity To Build Self-Respect
After being dumped, some people react by screaming, crying uncontrollably, begging, and thereafter following up with obsessively trying to initiate contact with an ex-partner. The fact that these are common reactions is not to say that you should follow suit.
Behaving this way will only portray you as dramatic, weird, or even desperate, and believe me, your self-esteem takes a hit.
Silence, on the other hand, speaks volumes. It makes you unpredictable and stamps your adherence to the breakup. While it may not take away all your problems at once, the no contact rule sure does preserve your self-respect.
6. Time To Reconnect And Spend Time With Old Friends And Family Members
Real friends and family are your support system through the good and bad times and during your relationship, it is possible that you’ve not had enough time to spend with them.
The period of no contact with your ex-partner is a great time to reconnect with family and friends without having to worry about neglecting your partner. You can cash in on their love and support when all you want is to mope or pour your heart out post-breakup.
While they will in no way replace your ex, they will express a different kind of love and remind you that there are people in your life who still care.
7. You Can Analyze The Relationship And Breakup From A Better Perspective
Immediately after the breakup, it is just natural to want answers. No contact serves as an eye-opener to things you couldn’t see when you were in the relationship or in contact with your former partner. This includes your own mistakes, those of your ex, as well as circumstances that led to the break-up.
The purpose of this analysis shouldn’t be to leave you with guilt and regrets of what should have been; you should be able to pick both the negatives and the positives of the lost relationship.
This way, you can take your share of the responsibility for how things ended, pick a few lessons, and appreciate how the relationship enabled you to grow as an individual.
8. A Way Out Of A Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship exposes you to emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical abuse. At times, it is possible to be addicted to toxic relationships whereby you are hooked to one toxic union after another and can’t seem to disentangle yourself.
Since a toxic relationship thrives on traits such as intimidation, passive aggression, hostility, and lies, no contact is a great way to stop a toxic ex on their tracks and give yourself a clean break.
9. Better Preparation To Date Again
A failed relationship shouldn’t spell doom to your dating life. If anything, it should prepare you for building better and healthier relationships in the future.
As you reflect on the ended relationship, you are armed with a better understanding of the pitfalls to steer clear of, red flags to look out for, and the mistakes to avoid when you are ready to date again. This can, however, become harder if you are in an on-and-off relationship mode with your ex.
10. Realizing You Can Fix Things With Your Ex
It is not uncommon for breakups to happen in the heat of an argument, only for the parties to realize later that they rushed things. If you feel that you would want to give your relationship another chance, then no one should stop you; only be aware that this does not automatically apply to your ex as well.
Further, trying to maintain contact a few days after the breakup is a huge mistake. It might leave you even more frustrated. The no contact rule will allow you time to heal and make up your mind if getting back with your ex is what you really want. You will also have given your ex the opportunity to reflect on their decision and make up their mind.
Conclusion
Have you ever witnessed an argument that didn’t involve at least two people? This is because it takes two to tango, period!
No contact after a breakup saves you some dignity and keeps you from making things worse whether you are dealing with an ex-wife, ex-husband, ex-girlfriend, or ex-boyfriend.
Implementing the no contact rule does help you to cool down, relax, and process events without a former partner’s influence
No contact will suck at first and won’t feel like anything you want to continue doing so if you are bargaining on whether you should keep at it, I’m happy to tell you that the results are worth every struggle.
If you are still trying to get your ex to talk things over, ditch the drama, go silent, and thank me later!
